Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Sunday, January 06, 2008 )

Upcoming Paintings We Can Expect From Master Ethan Hawke

“Ethan As French Comtesse”

“Ethan And Still Life With Grapes”

“Ethan And the Sinking of the Andrea Doria”

“Ethan With Cannikin And Spoon”

“Ethan On the Half Shell”

“Ethan as Pre-Raphaelite Naked Goddess Diana in the Forest”

“Ethan as Acteon, Turned Into A Stag and Beset By Hungry Curs”

“Ethan Hawke as Sybil of Cumae, Immortal But Shriveled to the Size of a Bean, Wishing Only To Die”

“Cubist Ethan Bathing at Avignon”

“Fauvist Ethan in Orange and Green”

“Ethan as Frida Kahlo as Herself”

“Ethan as Irish Giant Clooth-na-Bare, Wishing Only To Find A Lake Big Enough To Drown Himself In”

“Ethan Pouring Water From Urn”

“Ethan Lunching On The Grass Naked”

“Ethan Gesso Triptych”

“Pieta (With Ethan)”

“Ethan as Turkish Odalisque”

“Ethan as the Honest Courtesan”

“A Gathering of Ethans, The Ethans Become Flowers”

“Ethan As Mona Lisa”

“The Birth of Ethan”

“Pop Art Ethan With Polka Dots”

“Ethan, The Thinker (Lithograph)”

“Ethan Hanging On The Wall” (featuring Ethan as himself)

“Ethan Holds Up the World As Atlas” (caryatid)

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(Originally posted Saturday, January 05, 2008 )

A raft of film blurbs you would not likely want on your movie poster.

… a performance so understated, he’s practically dead …

… a film so loud and bombastic, it HAS to win an Oscar….

… Sexy action cool! That’s right. No verbs! Just “sexy action cool!” …

… Crazy sexy smart! …

… Crazy sexy pedophilia! …

… This movie will have you trotting to the bathroom …

… If you see only one movie this year, this could be the movie that you see this year …

… A movie with all the ambition you have come to expect from a director who is a bona fide asshole…

… A film with a budget and opening weekend grosses that will astound you …

… A feast for the eyes, ears, nose and mostly genitals …

… A really sentimental film, great for people who like that sort of thing …

… you can’t help but be manipulated by this touching story …

… Crazy Sexy Down Syndrome! …

… If consumer reports told you what movie to see, this movie would be the one least likely to cause you any type of harm …

… If Brando had a cinematic heir, here is the actor we would bestow that kiss of death on …

… This actress has the willingness to be nude that could make her a star …

… A treat for the whole family, especially the ones engaged in incest …

… This is a movie. Period. …

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(Originally posted Wednesday, January 02, 2008 )

Stephanie and I are back from a two week Christmas holiday in Oklahoma and Texas. Among other things we did:

–*Held a launch party for the Oklahoma premiere of “The Retributioners”;

–*Shopped for presents in roads covered with black ice;

–*Played with many babies, including the game “rocket ship,” in which childrens get launched from Uncle Eric’s foot up into the air;

–*Won several hands of Texas Hold-Em, until I started to lose several hands of Texas Hold-Em;

–*Got peed on by a new baby Chihuahua named Rosabelle;

–*Chased a few chickens around a friend’s backyard;

–*Fed some bunnies parsley;

–*Played drums and piano with a baby named Darlene;

–*Saw “No Country For Old Men” at Austin’s Alamo Theater, where you can watch the movie while drinking coffee and a mean milkshake;

–*Was disturbed by the movie’s message of violence and nihilism while enjoying said milkshake;

–*Drove eight hours from Austin to Oklahoma City while listening over and over to a song called “Redneck Roundup” and later another one called “Redneck Yacht Club”;

–*Discovered the magic of a friend’s Nintendo Wii;

–*Discovered that it’s hard to get a Nintendo Wii right now;

–*Enjoyed our friend Jason’s souped up XBox with vast multimedia capabilities that will destroy you;

–*Ate at Red Lobster;

–*Enjoyed multiple “artgasms” at the transplendent New Year’s Eve Flaming Lips show at the Cox Center (formerly The Myriad) in Oklahoma City, where the Lips lit onto the stage from a giant spaceship (Wayne Coyne himself rolling out inside a giant balloon) and where we all spent the evening punching giant balloons around the arena and attacking fellow audience members with our free laser pointers;

–*Enjoyed the Oklahoma City fireworks display marking 2008;

–*Crashed a truly lame black tie party at the beautifully restored Skirvin Hotel and danced for a few mere minutes to some really awful music ;

–*Visited with awesome photographer Romy Owens at a very cool Oklahoma City coffee shop (Romy’s on my friend page and you can find all of her art there);

–*Had a hearty Braum’s ice cream sundae with extra fat-making shit all over it;

–*Ate more fat making stuff in the form of a chicken friend steak, so FU Weight Watchers;

–*And finally, we said goodbye to all of the families and boarded a jet plane at 7:25 a.m. this morning and wistfully drank in the memories of a very happy holiday.

That’s a lot of god damned Christmas cheer.

I have a few crappy cell phone photos from the Flaming Lips show, but you can get a much better view of the fun on my brother-in-law’s page here.

Happy New Year to all. I hope you had as much fun as we did.

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(Originally posted Tuesday, January 01, 2008 )

–*Eat more spam

–*Drink more beer

–*Be nicer to people and pierce labia

–*See more Flaming Lips shows in Oklahoma City, even if you live in remote places like Brunei or China

–*Finish that dark, misanthropic novel in which all the characters die and nobody gets the money or any other kind of satisfaction, except the character who represents death. Call it “No Country For Old Gentle Folk.”

–*Move to the lovely, green, laid-back city of Austin, Texas. With a few hundred thousand more people, we can finally ruin it.

–*Have another baby out of wedlock.

–*No, two more.

–*Suck up to weasel boss more

–*Kill mistress; make it look like an accident

–*Smell the roses more. Then kill mistress and make it look like an accident.

–*Lose weight. Smell more roses. Move to Iraq to see what you’re made of.

–*Stop getting tattoos and move on to body scarification, which is more painful and way cooler.

–*Be friendlier and more engaging to that talkative 18-year-old pagan waitress who works at Bennigan’s. Get her pregnant.

–*Stop smoking. Start cutting.

–*Chase more chickens.

–*Punch Bono

–*Learn French and then don’t use it.

–*Participate in more assisted suicides.

–*Live. If you’re lucky enough to keep doing so.

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(Originally posted Tuesday, December 25, 2007)

Just want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. “Beauty Is Imperfection” blogs will be less frequent for a week or so as I share the holidays with family. Feel free to leave comments telling me how your Christmas worked out for you.

Be of good cheer. Eat hearty. Avoid the drama, unless it gets you something you want.

Love Eric & Steph and all of us here at the Retributioners family

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