Archive for January 24th, 2009


CSI Nights: The Dawgs of Blood Spatter

America's Got Talent, But Needs Ritalin

Lice Swap

7 Fox
So You Think You Can Perform an Episiotomy?

20 VH 1
The Top 10 Leakiest Celebrity Gastric Bypasses

21 E! Entertainment
If We Could Find a Way To Shoot Anna Nicole 
Into Your Bloodstream, Or Better Yet, Give Her
To You Through an Enema, We Would Surely Do It

31 Cinemax 
Conspicuously Doughnut-Shaped Throbbings

32 HSN
Subprime Achievers!

35 Public Access
My Video Log of Croatians Showing 
Vaguely Fascist Sympathies 

33 Spike TV
Opie & Anthony's Predatory Lending Pranks

79 A&E
Flip This Superfund Site

29 HBO
War of the Worlds

30 Lifetime
Movie: "This Businesswoman 
Needs To Be Taken Down A Notch"

40 Bravo
Let's Throw Lit Matches at Paula Abdul (Reality)

42 Fox News
Roundtable Discussion: Let's Give Iraq 
Its Privacy, OK?

50 Democracy Now
Are Your Feelings For Your Baby Bourgeois?

52 Sundance Channel
Don't Hold Your Breath Waiting For Something
To Happen In This Film From Iran

53 History Channel
Let's Just Get to the Impalings, Shall We?

82 Discovery Channel
An Ancient Canopic Jar Spills Its Guts

83 BBC America
Detective Ipswitch Provokes an Obstreperous

84 IFC
Henry Rollins Not Quite Reaching 
The Level of Satire He Hopes To

100 CNN
Come back, Anderson! Come back!

102 PBS
The News Hour With Jim Leher: Pretty Much
All the Same Horrible Shit You Can't Be
Bothered With

104 Court TV
Mother of Christ, it's just days and days of "Cops"!

Read Full Post »

… a new song. Just what is going on here?

The Dionysian Rationale

(at http://www.myspace.com/ersalodeguierre )
Behold his body and the fountain from his head
runs to boundless seas
He’s seen visions
Heard an oracle in oak trees
Drank honey from his dreams

He was born free in the wild
He is nature’s child
Coming out in sugar streams

From his mouth fly a million butterflies
Pearls are in his eyes
Close your eyes and you will see

Look where the river runs
Underneath your footsteps
Cool coca leaves
You could drown libidinous
Hungry and carnivorous
Warlike and extreme

And an orgy of life bubbles from you
Frothing up to transform you
From a life-giving eternal spring

In the arms of Morpheus go slack
And then you come back
Drinking honey from your dreams

Where every rock has its own healthy mind
Where every clearing is a killing floor
Where every living tree is thought divine
Where every mushroom is like heaven’s door

Like leaves that redden, die and mellow
So will you my son

When you look upon the violence of this
warring bloody world
Do not wonder why
Just fall upon all fours and scream
Like a baying animal
With white and wild eyes

And a river of life passes through you
It has come to reclaim you
And take you to eternal sky

You are the only one who knows now
So take off your clothes now
And dance with all your fevered mind

Don’t you know your mind is healthy
And every clearing is a killing floor
Just shut your mind off put it in the trash
Boom boom
Take every mushroom right to heaven’s door
Like leaves that redden, die and mellow
So you will my son

Behold the body there’s a fountain in his rib
Washing down through caves
He’s seen visions
Myths issue from his body
Like wine gushing through the staves

He was born free in the wild
He is nature’s child
Washed up from the foamy waves

From his mouth fly a million butterflies
Pearls are in his eyes
Call his name and you will see

(Originally posted July 14, 2007)

Read Full Post »

Some hacker…

… with a little tiny wing-wang broke into my MySpace page the other night and started sending everybody Instant Message invites with my name on them. I’m frightfully sorry about this, and I apologize, first, to anyone who got this fake message, and trebly to anybody who actually might have clicked through to download the pernicious spyware on the other end masquerading as beta chat software. If it makes you feel better, we were victims, too.

I was in flight the whole time, coming home from a five-day visit to Oklahoma, and didn’t have access to my computer to even know I’d been hacked. This is the first time it has happened to me on MySpace, and I hope the last. I’ve changed my password, which seems to be the only initiative anyone can take in these circumstances.

Sorry again.

(Originally posted July 14, 2007)

Read Full Post »

Ever Newer Stuff

Above It All
Music and lyrics by Eric Rasmussen. All instruments played by Eric Rasmussen, including the guiro. Song unfortunately also sung by Eric Rasmussen.

Yellow ice is forming
On the windows of New York tonight
Summer’s really gone
You sleep with your gun without closing your eyes
You fall asleep in your taxi
A song disappearing under a train
Take a smoke from a needle
Can’t even see your face for your own brain

You stirred it up in a bathtub
Blue dry and a bucket of ice
And you filled every wound
Not a thought sliding from your side

But then one day I know
You could find the joy of a woman
And the one that you want
Is an angel with her hair cut off
She’s so shy you can’t touch her and she
Makes you question your convictions

What’s the matter driver
Is there something sliding from your view?
Did the woman you love
turn around and run away from you?
Are you sick with experience
And your eyes turning blood into wine
Will the world go to hell
And will you fall in behind?

Find yourself aiming a pistol
At the sun at the end of the day
There is no east or west in this
Nothing to guide your way?

Only one day I know
You could know the joy of a life
You don’t have much to hang it on
Nothing you can call your own
But you won’t ever die
Or even see the end of day

What’s the matter driver
Did you never hear your body fall?
Because the moment they got you
You were already above it all

(Originally posted June 27, 2007)

Read Full Post »


From his Errata,

In a room of shelved books

Dressed in winter argyle

A scholar descends through

Winds of high blue December ice, vain ice

And clear lake leaves on a sweater

Head full of drink and argybargy


Pig iron sleds stand around the black stanchions of

Ice; clouds around hoof and nostril

Plunging churches


Underneath, blood, red around these points–Cymryn versus

Vainglorious Anglo, Roman versus Breton,

Jute versus Viking–runs faster than milk,

While bodies of slit-throated, sacrificed peasants

Persevere in peat marshes,

Silver as death, bogged down to study

The chalk fire of white

Where looming orange cottages


By daisy-cutters of war

Are a necropolis empty of sentinels.


The sun is summoned,

The re-apotheosis of Apollo

Who last went grazing among the drink of stars

Like learned men drinking at the trough of irrational books


His mouth,

Such a small wound from which to reemerge

In his chariot

Pulling winter behind him

His season of greatness once more finding its career

Born from a wastrel’s body

Like all elemental myth


(First posted May 24, 2007)

Read Full Post »

Hey all,

Steph recently did some on-the-street interviews for this company. You can see her performance on YouTube here.


(Originally posted May 11, 2007)

Read Full Post »

Dr. Quinn Faces The Frontier Kidney Stone

Who's Being Eaten? (Reality)

Republican Candidates At Presidential Debate
Washed Away In Freak Flood of Human Antibodies

7 Fox
Is a .44 Magnum Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

20 E! Entertainment Television
"Survivor" Creator Mark Burnett And "Touched By An Angel"
Actress Roma Downey To Wed In Historic Mediocrity Summit

21 Cinemax Two
Naked Pancakes

35 Public Access
Robin Byrd's All-Immigrant Nude Talk Show 

33 Cartoon Network
My Dad, The Ball of Snot

79 CUNY Albany Public Access
Decrepit Member of The Communist Third International
Looks For His Teeth

29 HBO
The Dukes of Hazzard

30 Lifetime
Movie: "My Mom Won't Stop Coming To Grips
With My Homosexuality"

40 Bravo
My Friend Needs A Makeover, If Only
To Underscore That I'm the Pretty One

42 Fox News
My Military Dictatorship Needs A Makeover

50 Sundance Channel
Our 72 Hour Solar Panel Marathon

52 History Channel
Whitewashing The Vietnam War With Truly Awesome
Footage of F-105 Thunderchiefs

57 Fox News
Chuck Norris Explains How To Win In Iraq

82 Discovery Channel
Mythbusters See If Coca-Cola Will Really Stop A Baby

83 BBC America
Richard Gere Burned In Effigy On Indian Subcontinent

87 Independent Film Channel
Henry Rollins Does His Thing With Integrity,
Whatever It Is. To Be Honest, I'm Not Sure Where 
He's Going With It, But It Sure Has Integrity

92 Showtime
How Is It That Snoop Doggie Dogg Gets Away With Doing Guest Spots On Both “Girls Gone Wild” videos and “The L Word”? If you ask me, that’s pretty goddamned cool.

Read Full Post »

Sadomasochists, You Like Me! You Really, Really Like Me!

Hey, it’s not Siskel & Ebert, but somebody in the S&M community thought enough of my film “S&M Queen For A Day” to write this thoughtful review.

“It’s a quirky little piece, but I find it strangely affecting,” says the writer of my short comedy. Hey, any press is good press, right?


(Originally posted April 25, 2007)

Read Full Post »

Eric’s Top 10 List

Eric’s Top Ten List

The Top Ten Things You Can Blame For the Virginia Tech Shooting Other Than The Lack of Gun Control, If You’re In Total Denial

10. Korean action films and their widely imitated “hammer pose” posters

9. The failure to create a much-needed “Nut Alert System” (as proposed by nutty conservative analyst Amy Holmes)

8. Marilyn Manson’s dark new album

7. A much too lenient grading curve in college creative writing classes

6. Immigrants and their ambition to assimilate their children into chiefly white American male pursuits such as going postal with .9 mm Glocks

5. The feminization of the American male, who obviously needs to be taunted and ridiculed as a pussy-boy more often

4. The decline of martial virtues such as valor and glory … (No, we at the ‘National Review’ are not kidding. No, really.)

3. The failure to create a “culture of life” among semi-autistic kids exhibiting anti-social behavior disorder, clinical depression, paranoia, flat affect, and suicidal ideation.

2. Trans-fatty acids and other lipids

1. You didn’t support the troops

(Originally posted April 24, 2007)

Read Full Post »