Archive for April, 2022

–*Tom Hardy is completely unrecognizable to those who don’t know who he is.

–*Why words refuse to work with Rudy Giuliani anymore.

–*Why you’ll never know what’s in this confidentiality agreement.

–*Why do we not hear from Leonard Nimoy anymore?

–*Which actresses bared all as part of a routine medical examination?

–*Why this olive branch is a peace symbol and not something you should put in your mouth, Taylor Swift.

–*Why when you click this link, God will not be there.

–*The end is nigh. Invest in gossamer wings.

–*This human growth hormone has had it with Lance Armstrong.

–*This old drunk used to be a young drunk.

–*How come you never hear from your partner’s genitals anymore?

–*How the #MeToo movement has ruined this cabbage cleanse.

–*The market will crash any day, says this investor waiting to buy assets from you on the cheap.

–*Why trading barter corn for dental care is the new normal.

–*Why this famous celebrity never saw the rock coming.

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Now that spring has sprung and temperatures are rising, many homeowners are bound to have visits from less-than-welcome creatures. But there is a way to deal with these pesky visitors other than using poison. Consider these natural methods of pest control.

–*Try spraying a little alcohol.

–*Put garlic at any of the ants’ entrance points.

–*Try to reason with the ants using Cartesian logic.

–*Try setting the ants on fire. Everybody knows that fire is natural.

–*Set about 50 anteaters loose in  your home.

–*Play John Mayer constantly. The ants will know this is one party they do not want to go to.

–*Everybody knows ants hate chalk. Write “Fuck you, ants,” in chalk on the floor.

–*Make a ton of money and move into a house that’s better built.

–*Essential oils will repel ants but will likely attract Gwyneth Paltrow.

–*Ants communicate with pheromones. Disrupt their communication chain by trying to destroy all pheromones in your house, including your own.

–*Stick your hand into a fire ant pile and let them repeatedly sting you until they become bored with the practice and leave.

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