Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
(Originally posted Sunday, May 04, 2008 )
Hey all,
Stephanie and I have got the pimp spot (pardon the term) on a new site for funny films by women on the ‘Net: It’s called Funny Not Slutty. It features material made by female comedians, producers, writers, etc., and they have very prominently featured the latest Webisode of “The Retributioners.” Check it out and enjoy!
Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
(Originally posted Sunday, May 04, 2008 )
Tom+Cruise
“Tom Cruise”+Oprah
“Tom Cruise”+Oprah+couch
“Tom Cruise”+Oprah+couch+psycho
“Tom Cruise”+insensitive+”Brooke Shields”+”postpartum depression”
“postpartum depression”+”herbal prozac”
Where do I get herbal prozac for postpartum depression?
Where do I get herbal prozac for postpartum depression in Osage County, Oklahoma?
Scientology+postpartum depression
Can Scientology cure postpartum depression?
Can Scientology cure postpartum vaginal discharge?
Can Tom Cruise cure postpartum vaginal discharge?
“White Castle”+Harold+Kumar
“White Castle”+dope+munchies
“Kentucky Derby”
“Kentucky Derby”+”Eight Belles”+”euthanized on racetrack”
Why did they let a filly Eight Belles run against colts in the Kentucky Derby?
How do I tell my children that they euthanized Eight Belles?
“Kentucky Derby”+”gambling problem”+divorce
Barack+Obama
Barack+Obama+Guam
Who voted for Barack Obama in Guam?
Who votes in Guam?
Where is Guam?
“Patrick Dempsey”+”Made of Honor”+”chick flick+”pussy boy”
What do Guamanians want?
Guam+typhoons+”no doctors”
Guam+military+”government service”+”high unemployment”+”Democratic welfare state”
Alaska+”Republican welfare state”
“Puerto Rico”+”welfare state”
“United States”+”welfare states”+”expansionist empire”+”wars of aggression”
Guam+”November elections”+”no vote in Guam”+”politically disenfranchised”
“Roger Clemens”+”Mindy McCready”+”statutory rape”
Harold+Kumar+”blonde chick”+naked
What is the age of statutory rape in Osage County, Oklahoma?
Who is a statutory rapist in Osage County, Oklahoma?
Am I a statutory rapist in Osage County, Oklahoma?
Osage County+”bus schedule”
Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
(Originally posted Friday, May 02, 2008 )
Power of Negative Thinking Aphorisms (Again, for T-Shirts and Coffee Mugs)
–*I am a loser and what everybody says is true.
–*Most of what’s wrong with the world is my fault
–*I am a joiner and have nothing new to offer
–*There’s nothing I can do with this day but bury it–like so many others–in the backyard of missed opportunities
–*Go ahead and victimize me, why don’t you?
–*You know you don’t want some of this.
–*I’m just using my nudity to get your attention even though I know it won’t last.
–*…on Suicidegirls.com
–*Chicks don’t dig me
–*I have body issues
–*I don’t always think things through
–*God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
–*…on Suicidegirls.com
–*This new heart drug probably won’t work
–*I’m looking for the wrong kind of love. And I’m going to get the wrong kind of love.
–*I didn’t do a blog yesterday. I’m such a fuck up.
Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
(Originally posted Wednesday, April 30, 2008 )
The New York Times rececently published a story about how much of the production of “American Idol,” including the reaction from the audience, is actually staged. What are some of the things that are not so authentic about the show?
–*Many of the contestants have already had recording contracts
–*The show regularly ships in local sorority sisters to place in front of the camera lines
–*These women are ordered to stand after every song
–*They must clap above their heads so that it can be seen
–*They likely fake their orgasms … of joy at seeing David Archuleta perform
–*…as well as the other kind
–*The studio is filled with “applause” prompts, as well as other prompts that instruct the audience to “sway to the music,” “scream,” “fake joy,” and “show us your tits.”
–*After giving a harsh criticism to a singer, judge Simon Cowell often patronizingly says “sorry.” He’s not really sorry.
–*Dolly Parton was a recent guest on the show. About 80% of Dolly Parton is not real.
–*Paula Abdul is not altogether there.
–*David Archuleta is not really that enthusiastic about being on TV, and is in fact being coached by his dad before each performance with a suspicious-looking kind of Scooby snack
–*The name of the show is “American” Idol, and yet one recent contestant was Irish and another Australian. A bit of an authenticity problem if you ask me.
–*The new set design makes the Idol theater look much bigger than it really is and makes Ryan Seacrest look taller than four feet.
–*The preteen girl who cried over Sanjaya Malakar last year was actually crying over ceasless wars and genocide and man’s inhumanity to man.
–*Andrew Lloyd Webber recently told David Cook to sing to him as if he were a teenage girl Cook was in love with. Lloyd Webber is not a teenage girl.
–*Lloyd Webber has been knighted in Britain and named a “life peer.” Peerage nobility is a relic of history that was rendered null and void by the “Rights of Man” and the concepts of the Enlightenment and thus has no place on the stage of “American Idol.”
–*The producers are rumored to hand-pick contestants for their entertainment value–not as singers, but as idiots.
–*And lastly, the joy that the show causes is ephemeral and will likely not last beyond your 16th birthday, unless you’re just watching it to laugh at it all like a total bastard.
–*Like me.
Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
(Originally posted Tuesday, April 29, 2008 )
Hey all,
My film “S&M Queen For a Day,” starring my beautiful wife Stephanie, has been accepted into the Oklahoma City deadCenter Film Festival. It will screen at midnight on Friday, June 13 at the IAO Gallery.
If you haven’t seen it already, you can view it here at “Funny Or Die.”
Since it’s in Oklahoma City, I ‘m not positive I’ll be able to attend yet, though my sister, an OKC resident, has been asking and asking and asking.
Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »
(Originally posted Tuesday, April 29, 2008 )
…is back up at ER Salo Deguierre’s page. Though this isn’t his best production job, it’s probably the best song Salo has ever written, if I may speak for him.
Feel free to add Salo as a friend. Though he has only a few right now, Salo’s fans are the best fans in the world.
Beauty is Imperfection 