(Originally posted Sunday, December 02, 2007)
2 CBS
Walker, Texas Panderer
4 NBC
Law & Order: Professional Athletes Detail
5 ABC
A Chick Show With Even More Extensive String Plucking To Let You Know It’s a Satire, Lest You Think The Hip Producers Are Somehow Not Above Entertaining You
6 CW
America’s Next Top Zionist
7 Telemundo
El Hombre Es Embarazada! Ay!
8 Biography
Taking a cue from Immanuel Kant, viewers make a strike against pure reason by watching psychic shows
9 Cartoon Network
Adult Swim: Bodily Fluids In Anthropomorphic Form
10 ESPN-Classic
“The Cannonball Run II,” like a whore looking for a place to sleep, somehow winds up on ESPN Classic
11 Fox News
Der Hannity Kinder
12 CMT
Where To Get The Hog Feed To Make Your Mash Liquor Without Drawring Attention From the POE-lice
18 History Channel
Just Enough History About the Hippies To Allow You To Dismiss Them All Over Again
19 CNN
Could you say that again? Larry wasn’t listening.
20 FX, 21 Sci-Fi and 22 A&E
We promise to just get grosser and more violent and more profane until you pay attention to us.
21 MTV
Whose Sick Did I Wake Up In?
22 VH-1
Does Carly Simon have to sleep with Flavor Flav to get back on this channel?
24 HBO
A Documentary About Atlantic City Hookers Narrated Entirely In Iambic Pentameter
26 E! Entertainment
Every Girl Is Attractive When She’s Naked (Reality)
28 Bravo
Fear My Brazen Sauce
29 Hallmark
Charles Durning served his country on the beaches of Normandy. Here he stars as Santa in a horrible Christmas show thought up in the marketing department by a 29-year-old yuppie scumbag.
30 Lifetime
Movie: A driven, single-minded career woman who lives only for her work … oh, Jesus, need I continue?
31 Cinemax
The Vagina Syndrome
31 Cinemax
Lonesome Rim
31 Cinemax
Things To Do With Heather In Your Bed
32 BET
Kicked In The Butt By Love
33 HGTV
Kicked In The Butt By an Adjustable-Rate Mortgage
34 Court TV
Your Unabashed Hatred Only Diminishes You, Dear Viewer, But Having Said That, Here Are Some Dirty Filthy, Lowlife, Murdering, Child-Molesting Scumbags You Can Hate
35 Democracy Now
Smug Liberal Curls Lip
YouTube:
–*Bickering Republican Front Runners Make Mike Huckabee Look Not Blood-Curdlingly Stupid For Brief Moment
–*Small Kitten Vomiting and Still Looking Extra Cute
–*Suicide Girl Continuing To Get Positive Feedback For Working Through Her Body Issues the Wrong Way
Beauty is Imperfection 
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