Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Wednesday, July 09, 2008 )

–*She sent me a FAX breaking up with me, claiming I had failed to call her for six months.

–*He asked me to send the diamond ring back to him Fed Ex.

–*…even though legally, he didn’t own it, since it was a gift under the law

–*She loved me once, but had caught the fancy of King Henry

–*He stopped doing his Fozzie Bear impersonation before intercourse

–*His embrace had become cold. … Also, he had nude pictures of my step-daughter Soon-Yi on his mantel.

–*Even the dog smelled failure, and ran away.

–*He wanted to go out in a suicide love pact, and I just wanted lo mein.

–*We were so busy arguing, we have no idea how the baby got on the roof.

–*The press board in the floor of our double wide had rotted out completely. How apt that was. How apt.

–*I bought him child porn to show him that I understood his psychosexual problem, and he didn’t even say thank you.

–*She said the foursomes had started to leave her feeling cold and empty inside.

–*I told him, “Your being a Buddhist doesn’t get the dishes done.”

–*We had pledged that our love was based on inner strength and spiritual wisdom, but another supermodel had caught my eye

–*He ejaculated.