(Originally posted Wednesday, July 09, 2008 )
–*She sent me a FAX breaking up with me, claiming I had failed to call her for six months.
–*He asked me to send the diamond ring back to him Fed Ex.
–*…even though legally, he didn’t own it, since it was a gift under the law
–*She loved me once, but had caught the fancy of King Henry
–*He stopped doing his Fozzie Bear impersonation before intercourse
–*His embrace had become cold. … Also, he had nude pictures of my step-daughter Soon-Yi on his mantel.
–*Even the dog smelled failure, and ran away.
–*He wanted to go out in a suicide love pact, and I just wanted lo mein.
–*We were so busy arguing, we have no idea how the baby got on the roof.
–*The press board in the floor of our double wide had rotted out completely. How apt that was. How apt.
–*I bought him child porn to show him that I understood his psychosexual problem, and he didn’t even say thank you.
–*She said the foursomes had started to leave her feeling cold and empty inside.
–*I told him, “Your being a Buddhist doesn’t get the dishes done.”
–*We had pledged that our love was based on inner strength and spiritual wisdom, but another supermodel had caught my eye
–*He ejaculated.
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