Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Monday, July 14, 2008 )

The Miller Center of Public Affairs has recently released the “National War Powers Commission Report,” a new bipartisan report that includes involvement by two former secretaries of state. The publication offers a series of suggestions for curbing the overreaching of the executive branch in matters of war, mainly by suggesting that the president and Congress should cooperate more. What are some of the suggestions in the 72 page report?

–*If Congress wants to make its opinions known about a president’s overreaching on matters of war, it needs to stand up and speak more clearly. Also, it should not roll its eyes so much, which means no one will take it seriously, and it should wear brighter colors.

–*Congress should let down its hair and take its glasses off. That way it will show the president that it is not trying to hide its power, but is comfortable and confident in telling the president he has overreached on matters of international warfare.

–*The Congress should suggest, politely, that the laws the president is breaking are not vague or unclarified or delimited, as he says. He’s pretty much just breaking them. If this makes the president angry, Congress should cajole him with its coy, feminine powers of persuasion.

–*Congress should tell the president that it’s not just the words of the Constitution that it loves, but also what the words mean.

–*It’s hard to go against a rich and powerful president during times of war and widespread public bellicosity toward other countries. Congress should salve the president and public’s ill humor with a soothing milk bath.

–*The Congress should tell the public that it’s OK, the president is just hell-bent on aggression right now, and out of control, but he’s a good man and nobody understands his need to exert his personal will on matters of law, just like Napoleon, and slake his thirst for unstoppable power. He’ll calm down after he’s destroyed a few things, probably. Really, the president is a good man.

–*A man’s going to do what he wants. You can’t stop him. So let him sleep with a hooker once in a while, Congress.

–*If you let a president make war in the past, you just encouraged him by saying nothing. Try to assert yourself more, Congress. Stop being such a mealy-mouther.

–*When the opening salvo in the Civil War was launched, Abraham Lincoln called up militias and suspended habeus corpus when Congress was not in session, but he immediately afterward sought Congressional approval of his actions once it was. Most people nowadays would say that that was pretty pussy of him.

–*Ronald Reagan invaded lots of things without Congressional approval, and it all turned out all right. Maybe you should stick to dealing with welfare mothers, Congress. You’re better at that because you’re all touchy feely. Come on, this is a man’s job you’re talking about.

If you want to read the actual text of this historic yawner in the ongoing War Powers crisis, go here.