(Originally posted Friday, July 25, 2008 )
What Surprising New Plot Twists Can We Expect In the New “X-Files” Movie?
–*Satan-worshipping fans of Abba
–*Heart-eating Floridian swamp folk
–*A discovery of a sinister force in the universe called “parataxic distortion,” in which people you idealize, especially women, turn out to be less ideal than the fantasy
–*A U.S. plot to torture dissidents in Eastern European gulags and other things that were politically unthinkable in 1998.
–*Dogs that can say “I love you.”
–*A creepy hand that lives in a box.
–*Aliens versus Jesus
–*Blunderbuss-wielding Uncle Fester
–*Gregorian chants
–*Muldar and Scully’s accidentally solving the 20-year-old “Octopus” conspiracy theory, discovering that it was simply Ronald Reagan re-supplying the Contras, and pretty much doing it out in the open with a big “fuck you”
–*The truth, which always turns out to be a lot stupider than you’d think. (Think weather balloons and ergot poisoning.)
Beauty is Imperfection 
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