Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Friday, June 27, 2008

–*”Incest: It’s Only Shameful If You Make It So,” paid for by the North American Incest Love Association

–*”Tomatoes Don’t Kill People. It’s Still Pretty Much Guns That Kill People,” paid for by the Association of Tomato Growers and the Centers for Disease Control

–*”Heart Attacks: They Can Cramp Your Style,” paid for by the George Carlin Appreciation Society

–*”It’s Impossible To Go Too Far … But Now I’ve Really Gone Too Far,” paid for by George Carlin

–*”No Dog, No Dog,” paid for by cats.

–*”Guitars: It’s Not Cool To Play Them In Parks Anymore,” paid for by your ex-girlfriend

–*”Marriage: You Can’t Fuck It Up Too Many Times,” paid for by Ronald Perelman

–*What’d You Say? God, You Mumble Too Much!” paid for by any rock musician over the age of 30

–*”Get Out the Vote: Or We’ll Break Your Baby’s Legs,” paid for by Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe

–*”Fellatio: You Don’t Do It Since We Got Married,” paid for by your husband.

–*”Hookers: Because Your Wife Won’t Fellate You Since You Got Married,” paid for by the Reno, Nevada Association of Brothels.

–*”Visit Mexico (And We’ll Kill You),” paid for by drug lord Gomez Alvarado Savaadra Felix the almighty whose exploits and derring-do and charity are known through out this rolling land, and who is merciful and kind not to kill my youngest child after killing his three brothers

–*”You Can Never Have Too Much Bright, Shining MONEY Floating Around,” paid for the Federal Reserve

–*”Abortion: It’s the New Black!” paid for by the State of California