(Originally posted Thursday, July 10, 2008 )
What Weird Jobs Do We Have That We Must Awkwardly Explain To People?
–*I’m not really a porn star. That would mean I have some notoriety. Really, I just have sex on camera for money.
–*I come up with funky names for drugs after they receive their patents at companies like Merck and Pfizer. No, I didn’t come up with Zoloft or Zyprexa. You haven’t heard of the ones I did, trust me.
–*I was pursuing a screenwriting career, but accidentally got a patent making butt-tape that won’t stick to your hemorrhoids. There’s a Web site, but you don’t really want to see it, do you?
–*I take civil engineering scientific papers and put in active verbs to make them more exciting. Words like drilling, core-barrel tunneling, etc. But “boring” is still the operative word.
–*I’m the person who tries to convince you to throw your next comic book convention in Utah
–*I give smokes to the Eskimos
–*I’m a part-time model for a tobacco trade magazine, but mainly I glad-hand people at parties and ask them how aware they are of cigars.
–*I pull dead critters out of the furnace
–*I write in-house advertisements for a hearing aid company
–*I interview people and ask them truthfully what they think of ROTC.
–*I’m in charge of all the tape at my company.
–*I am paid to laugh at the jokes of Japanese business men around the U.N. area of Manhattan. OK, I’m a geisha, god damnit.
–*I’m the person who develops the pleasing synthetic scent and taste of American “food.”
–*I dig graves that might come in handy for those people who won’t quite make it across the Rio Grande without drowning.
Beauty is Imperfection 
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