Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Saturday, June 07, 2008 )

Hillary Clinton finally conceded the race for the Democratic presidential nomination in a rousing speech meant to unite the party. What took her so long to concede?

–*She had to find somebody to borrow plane tickets and a cab ride from, because conceding a race costs money, too, and she didn’t have any left

–*She thought she was fighting sexists in this campaign but then suddenly somehow figured out last Tuesday she was actually fighting with anti-war protesters. They must all look alike to her, somehow.

–*She’s trying to help her supporters through the long, slow process of agonizing denial and anger they’re about to go through, wounds that will take months to heal…

–*…a group that might turn angry and sour if she’s denied the vice presidential spot sooner rather than being denied it later

–*…a group that would, if so angered, stay home in November

–*…effectively handing the White House back to the military industrial complex.

–*She thought she could turn a few male superdelegates with “extra special persuasion.” If you know what I mean.

–*Chelsea’s friends would tease her, and Hillary couldn’t stomach more humiliation for that poor, poor girl.

–*Hillary waited it out to preserve her dignity. Even though Richard Nixon was a terrible loser who always claimed people were kicking him around, but somehow kept getting elected anyway. In fact, I’d love to hear a “You can’t get rid of this bitch that easily” speech.

–*It’s her willful, stubborn female pride. You just can’t argue with them when they get like that.