Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Thursday, May 29, 2008 )

Here are what some of Scott McClellan’s former colleagues are saying about the ex-White House press secretary’s recent indictment of the Bush administration. Wrapping themselves in pretzels trying to contain the damage, many of these Republican bigwigs have turned to New Age speak.

–*”It’s like he’s having a weird out-of-body experience.”

–*”It’s like Scott is living on the astral plane.”

–*”It’s like there are two Scotts. Like he is performing the ancient occult practice of bi-location, which means being in two places at once, which allows him to speak two irreconcilable things at the same time.”

–*”It’s like Scott’s in the middle of a lucid dream in which everything is magical and strange.”

–*”It’s like there’s a Kuato speaking through Scott’s stomach, and he’s saying so much bad stuff about the president. How could he possible mean it? When there’s that Kuato living in him?”

–*”It’s like Scott has taken a magic carpet ride to a fantasy land and we can’t reach him, though we cry out ‘Scott! Scott! Scott!'”

–*”Why Scott would betray the president at this point is very strange. The only real explanation, since he’s not telling the truth, is that there is some “tulpa” version of Scott. An un-real faux former press secretary, and he is like a shared hallucination we are all having.”

–*”My only explanation for Scott’s saying that the president used propaganda to wage war in Iraq–since that statement just can’t be true–is that Scott has been strung up in an leather bag and hypnotized through an ancient form of witchcraft.”

–*”It’s like Scott has been smitten by Shiva, the destroying angel, and does not have the mitigating forces of Brahma and Vishnu to preserve him as he says these completely indefensible things about poor President Bush.”

–*”Scott has obviously gone through a process that the ancient Greeks referred to as metempsychosis, in which the soul transmigrates from one incarnation to another, in this case transforming from a loyal patriotic spokesperson for the greatest president of our time into a disfigured sack-of-shit horn-nosed Belial who speaks only in riddles and lies and whose every breath is uttered only in screams as he’s chewed in the mouth of the Beast.”

–*”Clearly, Scott has been seduced by Satan.”