Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Wednesday, May 14, 2008 )

A few urban myths revealed:

–*Judd Nelson did not invent liquid paper, birth control, or the phrase “eat my shorts.”

–*Rock ‘n’ roll was not invented by Sacco and Vanzetti or Elvis Presley

–*Cass Elliot did not choke to death on a sandwich, a slice of pizza or the body of the little Kitner boy

–*An aerial water bomber did not drop a deep sea diver onto a forest fire after accidentally fishing him out of the ocean. But that photo of Uma Thurman nude on the beach is real.

–*Gang members don’t kill people who flash their headlights at them. Unless the people who flashed their headlights also happened to be selling drugs on their corner.

–*Henri III of France was not necessarily a homosexual, just a momma’s boy who liked to wear dresses, play with poodles and kill Protestants

–*There is no evidence that a true snuff film has ever been filmed or that anybody has ever been killed on film for entertainment purposes. However, it is likely that the male orgasms you see in pornos are real, unless you want to split epistemological hairs about it and say you can’t really trust anything you see with your eyes.

–*Despite the fact that “Osama” rhymes with “Obama,” there is no relationship between Osama bin Laden and Barack Obama. If Americans are stupid enough to believe they are somehow related, then they might also think that O.J. Simpson was innocent just because “you must acquit” rhymes with “if it doesn’t fit.” Hmm…..

–*Jerry Mathers, John McCain and Christopher Walken were not killed in Vietnam.

–*TV star Peter Krause does not have AVM. That was the character he played.

–*Atheists are not lobbying the FCC to ban religious broadcasts, which is a popular Internet falsehood. However, there is at this time no factual evidence that there is actually a God.