(Originally posted Friday, April 8, 2008 )
Top 10 Reasons My Regular MySpace Blog Would Not Publish This Week
–*I wrote the funniest blog ever, so funny that it crashed the computer
–*Notorious Myspace moderator Tom went to use the bathroom, leaving the site unattended to blink and stutter like a bunch of balls randomly bouncing around in a TV tennis game
–*It’s a new idiosyncrasy of HTML code that it will fail to publish whenever the text includes the words: “To keep her ankles warm.”
–*Obviously, it’s my fault and I was wrong to blame MySpace. If I were just a better person and had been nicer to children and the homeless, this blog would have easily posted by now. I’m such a fuck up. I want to commit suicide.
–*Technological backlash has long been a topic for great writers and thinkers. For how many steps forward do we take whenever technology plays a greater role in our lives? And how many steps back? What have we done? What … have … we done?
–*It was a “porn-out.” Kind of like a blackout, except it happens when the servers are too jammed with pictures of people doing the reverse cowgirl
–*They were doing “routine maintenance” and other things required by the Patriot Act
–*They were improving their spam blockers so that you would not want to buy my patented, totally reliable and guaranteed “Eric’s Penis Enhancing Cream,” the only penis enhancing cream that comes with a book of ancient Persian ghazal poetry
–*MySpace has to fix its blog counter lest some of us read them and get a big head about how popular or likable we are, like the one guy on here who writes about how much pussy he gets
–*Scientists have made a crucial link between global warming and narcissism, and thus MySpace has joined the global effort called “Other People Exist Day” in which all the blogs go dark and you are forced to live without your preening, navel-gazing masturbation machine
–*I didn’t hit “submit.”
Beauty is Imperfection 
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