Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Monday, February 18, 2008 )

Silly Parochial Arguments Often Heard Among Educated Grown-Ups

–*My psychological profile of Richard Nixon is better than yours, and offers a much better explanation for his obsession with John F. Kennedy. You nincompoop!

–*My explanation for the evolutionary uselessness of the female sexual climax is better than your explanation. You twit.

–*My FEMA rules for housing development in a floodplain are better thought out than yours. You garlic eater!

–*I am a better editorial columnist than Nicholas Kristof because I’m not pretending to save the world from my desk. Silly dolt.

–*My strictly prescriptivist use of the word “irony” is much more exclusive and limited than the promiscuous way you guys use the word over at American Heritage Dictionary. You fuck heads.

–*The professor’s understanding of Shakespeare’s late use of poetic enjambment is something that would only be said out loud by a crank who would fist his own mother.

–*I am the better historian when it comes to Emma Goldman’s true feelings about the Haymarket Riot, not you Mr. Vidal. You raging cunt.

–*I am the one who made Grigori Perelman’s proof about three-dimensional manifolds shrinking down into geometrical submanifolds possible. So he can suck my dick.

–*Your theory about the suppression of auto-reactive T-cells shows no intuitive understanding of T-cell memory and their role in immunological tolerance. So suck on that, ass face!

–*His theories about gyroscopes to preserve the angular momentum during rocket re-entry show that he is a total child-molesting douche bag of the order of the Queen’s Knights of the Douche Bath. Fuck him and his Nobel Prize!