(Originally posted Sunday, February 10, 2008 )
Greatly Anticipated Events At This Year’s Grammy Awards
–*Sixty-six year-old jazz legend Keely Smith and Kid Rock perform a duet of one of Liz Phair’s “I want to fuck you doggie style” songs.
–*Carole King, rather than sing one of her own songs, asks Courtney Love to do it, “because Courtney does it so much better.”
–*Ornette Coleman, a living genius, doesn’t perform himself but instead introduces some boy band that’s not fit to wipe his black ass.
–*Oh. Boy. Wow. There’s John Mayer.
–*What’s Joe Mantegna doing there?
–*The sight of Norah Jones comforts many old people.
–*There’s Ringo. He’ll do anything.
–*Timbaland realizes how much better George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” would have been if he had sampled it and put Nelly Furtado on it.
–*Natalie Cole and Tony Bennett remember Doris Day. Who was part of the problem back in the day.
–*Lots of red carpet shots of Nelly Furtado, who is part of the problem now.
–*Stevie Wonder half-speaks, half sings everything, including the words “I have to go to the bathroom” and “I hear Imogen Heap dresses like a bag lady.”
–*Imogen Heap is dressed as a bag lady
–*Earl Scruggs is remembered. But not too much.
–*Amy Winehouse sings very well by coordinating her lips, teeth, tongue, throat and diaphragm. Or not.
–*Chris Daughtry is here with his band wondering if there is anything anywhere that needs ruining with their presence.
–*Amy Winehouse racks up many Grammy wins, making her imminent untimely death that much sadder.
–*Berry Gordy’s alive?
–*There are sure to be lots of commercials by banks.
–*Once again, imagination is the big loser of the evening.
Leave a Reply