Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Sunday, February 10, 2008 )

Greatly Anticipated Events At This Year’s Grammy Awards

–*Sixty-six year-old jazz legend Keely Smith and Kid Rock perform a duet of one of Liz Phair’s “I want to fuck you doggie style” songs.

–*Carole King, rather than sing one of her own songs, asks Courtney Love to do it, “because Courtney does it so much better.”

–*Ornette Coleman, a living genius, doesn’t perform himself but instead introduces some boy band that’s not fit to wipe his black ass.

–*Oh. Boy. Wow. There’s John Mayer.

–*What’s Joe Mantegna doing there?

–*The sight of Norah Jones comforts many old people.

–*There’s Ringo. He’ll do anything.

–*Timbaland realizes how much better George Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” would have been if he had sampled it and put Nelly Furtado on it.

–*Natalie Cole and Tony Bennett remember Doris Day. Who was part of the problem back in the day.

–*Lots of red carpet shots of Nelly Furtado, who is part of the problem now.

–*Stevie Wonder half-speaks, half sings everything, including the words “I have to go to the bathroom” and “I hear Imogen Heap dresses like a bag lady.”

–*Imogen Heap is dressed as a bag lady

–*Earl Scruggs is remembered. But not too much.

–*Amy Winehouse sings very well by coordinating her lips, teeth, tongue, throat and diaphragm. Or not.

–*Chris Daughtry is here with his band wondering if there is anything anywhere that needs ruining with their presence.

–*Amy Winehouse racks up many Grammy wins, making her imminent untimely death that much sadder.

–*Berry Gordy’s alive?

–*There are sure to be lots of commercials by banks.

–*Once again, imagination is the big loser of the evening.