(Originally posted Saturday, January 26, 2008 )
“I never said I was perfect, Tyra. I’m in this to win.”
“This is your chance to apologize, Keisha. Will you accept the challenge?”
“My super-model, super-self name is Saline Enema! Because I’m sentimental.”
“Modeling is extreme. It’s like Vietnam!”
“Being a model is more than just flashing a smile. It means eating your buddy in the snow on a mountain in the Andes. Do you understand that, La Fonda?”
“Today your job is to kill an elk with your bare hands and teeth.”
“Until you’ve lived in the sewer and drunk your own pus, you will never be a top model!”
“I want you to go upstairs, pack your toothbrush, your panties, your thongs, your bathing suit, your skivvies, your lunchables, your steak-uums, your lingerie, your pet ferret, your ermine stole, your ashtray, your defibrillator kit, your depilatory acid, your vaginal steam dilator and your crack pipe … and go.”
“If you say ‘Ra-Nay-Nay’ again, I’m going to punch you in the ear drum with a screwdriver!”
“Britney, your evil shows in every turn. And it is bright and shining!”
“Cordelia reminds me of a violent salad!”
“You don’t let your guard down, Lefecal, and you’ve got to, even when people throw matches at your face! That’s what being a model means!”
“Polly, you’ve got to keep the crazy inside!”
“In this envelope, I’ve got three highly airbrushed nausea-inducing pictures of you having sex with horses.”
“Your next task is to find the person within you who is not a sociopath.”
“I am an anarchist, a rebel, a slut and a trained nurse technician, Tyra!”
“You are the most beautiful girl here, La Fobo, but America can’t see it when you have all those pock marks from years of taking prescription lithium.”
“No one was talking to you, Janice. Shut up, you stupid twat!”
Beauty is Imperfection 
Leave a Reply