(Originally posted Thursday, January 24, 2008 )
What Does Your Celebrity Brand Fragrance Say About You?
–*I’m a high school drop-out with good theatrical instincts, two Best Supporting Actor nods, and a need for Ambien. My scent is nutty and jejune.
–*I’m a limousine liberal who courts socialist politics and has a female doctor on call 24-7. My scent is like unripe persimmons and anisette and the pheromones of a ruminatory animal in rut.
–*I’ve got an MFA from Yale, but wasn’t famous until I did multiple slasher films topless. My scent is boysenberry and ivy with a touch of French crepe.
–*I’m a basketball player turned rap star turned actor. My scent smells like sweat and salted peanuts at a Chicago Bulls away game.
–*I’m a 50-year-old housewife turned comedienne. My scent is apple sours and Lysol.
–*I’m an alcoholic from the Royal Shakespeare Company who has made a fortune in Hollywood playing serial vivisectionists. My scent is woods on a snowy evening meets Brit Ekland’s snatch.
–*I’m a homosexual bear who plays the understanding father in teen comedies. My scent is rough hewn outdoor pine, old spice and KY.
–*I played Mork from Ork. My scent is herbal teas, bay rum and gummy bears.
–*I’m an English Dame who has won multiple Oscars with a voice like a man after 50 years of smoking acrid brown French fags. My scent is nicotine and unset plaster of Paris with a douse of lemon.
–*I’m Fred Thompson. My scent is manly musk, single-malt scotch and pancake makeup, and with the strength of my manly androgens and lots of free time, I’m now prepared to fuck you senseless.
Beauty is Imperfection 
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