(Originally posted Monday, January 21, 2008 )
I’ve noticed recently that marketers are making spam messages more personalized to get your attention. What are some of the more intriguing spam messages out there?
–*”Hey! I was just hittin’ people up on their profiles, and your site looked dope. Thought I’d rock the company with ya in my Jacuzzi if you want. Nothin’ serious. Just kickin’ it with some 420 and ma naked sistas. Chat me up, beaatch, on my chatline: Scabwhore8220.”
–*”Hey, I was cruisin the Myspace and saw your profile. Yo’ site is tight, cuz. <3s me some of yo tight buns. And I sure knows you’s down with the dope insurance policies I’s be sellin.” Das right. I got some stupid fresh term life for yo’ playa ass! So rock dat shit, beatch, and chat me up on ma chat line: Edmund@statefarm.com.”
–*Look, I’m sorry what I said. You were right and I was wrong. It’s just that sometimes the things you say can hurt, because it’s really what you’re NOT saying that makes all the difference.Your silence is deafening. And that’s why you have such a hold on my heart. Please, you. Don’t be a stranger. … And by the way, do you want some generic Ritalin? Hit me up at http://www.genericmeds.com/sally.”
–* “Yo, I was just checkin’ out your site and your music’s got mad flow, cuz. I’d hit that two times. Hit me up with some advice, quick like bunny at http://www.alcoholicseizure.net with some advice about my old lady. She’s gon’ die fo shizzle dizzle if you don’t call a ambyoolance, G.! Oh, and buy some Viagra. Word!”
–*Hey, your site looks like you’ve got depressed vagina syndrome. You should check out our online p.h.a.r.m.a.c.y. where you can score all the d.o.p.e. m.e.d.s. for your s.a.g.g.i.n.g. l.a.b.i.a at (meds.pharmacy.org@aol.com). :))))
–*Ur 2 sharp, mang. Luvs to share some Charlie and 8-ballz at yer place ifyawanna go4it. Feelin’ mental, mang. Love, your mom.
–*Hi there. I NEVER thought that I would have the courage to do this, but what the hay! I liked your profile, LOL. People say I am a cutie. And well built to boot. That’s why my user name is goodkisses87@yahoo. And because you seemed so cool, it seems like you would be a good person to buy a black market kidney from me. It’s totally refrigerated and everything. If you know anybody with end-stage renal disease, then you’ve totally got to take this monkey offa my back! This is totally not the kind of kidney that your body would reject. It’s just too good a kidney. So hit me up with somebody who is already sensitized to HLA and minor antigens if possible. Love, Kindra. Peace.
–*Hey you. I’m only saying this because you’re a good friend and you took a hit for me once. So I know you won’t mind if I tell you that 1,000 docs agree women like it longer. Don’t fear your small junk. Make a call today. Call Horst@peterpills.com.
–*Hey <<33’s your pic. You ought to add me at prisonfurlough138.net.
–*Hey, ma niggaz, I liked your profile and thought we could hang. We ought to talk some straight dope and 86 the game playin’, you know what I’m sayin’? Hit me up at “JohnMcCainforPresident@yahoo.com.”
Beauty is Imperfection 
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