(Originally posted Thursday, October 11, 2007)
2 CBS
CSI: Tonight, a credible forensic scientist using rigorous testing proves the existence of the Dark Lord Satan.
2 CBS
Numb3rs: Charlie uses an ingenious mathematical formula to prove that it was Don who took his milk from the office refrigerator.
5 Fox
“Don’t Forget The Lyrics” (game show): This week, contestants are confused, wrongly thinking that half the lyrics to the classic song “Louie, Louie” must have been the word “fuck,” or at least that’s what they thought when they were 12.
7 ABC
Dancing With the Stars: Bruno challenges the wisdom of poet E.E. Cummings, saying, “Sometimes it is better to teach the stars how not to dance.”
7 ABC
Grey’s Anatomy: Izzie must confess indiscretions to Lexie about that night with Poozle and Muff. Tracheotomy performed.
13 PBS
Another Mind-Numbing Repeat of Antiques Roadshow
14 TNT
Law & Order: Episode 1,062, “The Buttocks of Insanity.”
17 The History Channel
Catherine The Great: Strange Sexual Tastes
18 Univision
Catherine The Great: Sexo Con Caballos
20 Animal Planet
If You Become Friendly With a Grizzly, Kids, Animal Cops Will Have To Kill It
21 Toon Disney
Pucca (South Korea): Fed up with her failed attempts to steal a kiss from her favorite ninja Garu, young Pucca tries the date rape drug Rohypnol
25 Discovery Health
Large, suppurating boils
28 Spike TV
Those Funny Japs
29 HGTV (Home and Garden Television)
I can’t help but think, as I look out at my perennials, of what Keats said, “Of Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies.” And yet I will plant my red valerians anyway. … Sigh.
30 Ovation
A cool documentary on music that several years ago you might have seen on Bravo, before it was chased off by style and cooking shows whose hosts have an edge of hostility and menace.
31 TLC
Thursday is boy’s night, so we have to talk about ethanol motorcycles; Friday is girl’s night, so we have to talk about dresses with hip gussets
32 National Geographic Channel
Yes, we would put the word “naked” in the program’s title if we thought that would light a fire under your ass to learn something. Jeez!
34 Showtime
Failure To Launch
35 TV Land
Bob Denver, showin’ you how it’s done.
36 Lifetime
Women: Catchin’ the Criminals and Birthin’ the Babies (A Very Sassy Police Show)
37 C-Span Books
Feminist author Susan Faludi shows you how to marginalize yourself with a dogmatic, parochial and joyless critical agenda.
38 Crosswalk Open Access Channel
Anyone who understands the concept of specific heat capacity knows 9/11 was a hoax, says young man wearing red bandana over his face.
39 Fox News
Why the Liberals Hate Our Ongoing Four-And-A-Half-Year Victory In Iraq
40 Democracy Now
Iran-Contra Is Our Continuing Cottage Industry
42 HBO
Tell Me You Love Me, Episode 5 (More like, “Show Me You Love Me In An Extended Soft-core Porno Scene That Destroys Any Kind of Narrative Rhythm”)
Beauty is Imperfection 
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