Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Friday, September 05, 2008 )

ST. PAUL, MINN. (API) — Standing before a cheering audience of thousands of fellow GOP members, presidential candidate John McCain vowed once and for all to defeat the Republican party that had nominated him for president of the United States.

“We have for too long let the Republicans sell out American values. Now it’s time for these Republicans to be defeated. Vote for me as your Republican candidate!”

As thousands of cheering Republican delegates cheered on, seemingly oblivious to the message, McCain was stirred to greater heights of impassioned oratory seldom seen by him on the campaign stump.

“We must fight, fight, fight to defeat the Republicans!” he yelled as the crowd cheered on, the convention hall shaking to the rafters.

McCain’s message resonated loud and clear with American voters.

“I was thinking of voting for Barack Obama this year because I liked his message of change,” said Mabry Waldeisen, a mother of four from Saddleback, Wyoming. “I especially liked his message that we needed to run the Republicans out of office. But I’ve got to tell you, I’ve got to think twice about McCain now, because I think he’s really caught on to this anti-Republican sentiment that I and so many many many other Americans are feeling.”

“We have too often been lulled by vice and avarice and bloodlust for power into being a very different kind of party than the one we should be,” McCain said to the crowd in clear, stentorian tones. “Now we have a rare opportunity. A moment to capture. An opportunity to forge real change, stop the partisanship, and defeat the Republican Party once and for all and not stop until it is dead as a doornail.”

The crowd of Republican delegates, unfazed by this clarity of purpose and unambiguous call for the dissolution of the body and spirit of their party, roared on for the candidate who is their default figurehead in an era of backlash against conservatives.

“I like John McCain,” said Ralph Sanderson, a delegate from Hawaii, “because he’s a maverick. He’s willing to speak truth to power and unafraid of the consequences. That’s a quality of leadership you can’t replace with hollow oratory. When he says, ‘Republicans go home!’ you know you can take that sentiment to the bank and cash it.”

“We have to fight, fight, fight the Republicans,” said McCain. “And as your next president, and with a feisty moose-hunting female populist at my side, I vow to put a stake in the heart of this monster once and for all.”

The convention soon ended in a hail of cheers, balloons and smoke.