Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Thursday, April 10, 2008 )

Conversations In Mid-Sentence You Wished You Hadn’t Walked In On

–*Of course I ordered the torture. That’s what presidents do.

–*You ate the last soccer player! Now what’s going to happen to me?

–*This isn’t about who drank whose vomit out of a cup while the film was rolling. It’s about respect!

–*I didn’t think we were being lesbians that way. I thought we were being lesbians the other way.

–*We’re in Vegas. This is a dead body. And I’m all out of ideas.

–*I’m not a fluffer on a porn set because I like it, I’m a fluffer on a porn set because nothing I ever did was good enough for you, Dad.

–*”I love you” is not going to pay the triple mortgage this time.

–*He’s just a cat. He doesn’t understand when you do that.

–*Miracle my foot. That baby was an accident.

–*I couldn’t help myself. His testicles were so shiny like silver in the moonlight.

–*I’ve hid all the secret Nazi gold in my backyard, and I’ll kill anybody who finds out about it.

–*Of course I’m going to invade Iran. That’s what presidents do.