Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘writing’

Congratulations to me! The 47th album by my musical act Salon de la Guerre has just hit the streaming services, and unlike the somber piano album I unleashed just a week ago, this new one is a bit more upbeat and radio friendly (dare I dream that anybody will play this on a radio).

The latest album is called Carnival and it’s now available for digital download on all the major streaming platforms, including Amazon, Apple Music, Pandora, Bandcamp, YouTube and Spotify.

As I said in a recent blog post, this latest album of upbeat rock and alternative songs is where you get to hear me learn how to play the drums in real time, kind of the way you heard me learn to play piano in previous outings. So you can take that as a nervy statement of purpose or an apology.

See, I never had a real drum set on previous Salon de la Guerre records; instead I’ve turned to drum loops and beats I programmed myself on Logic Pro X, GarageBand or Cubase. Lately, however, I wanted to expand the dimensions of my sound a bit, make the songs sound less mechanical and the production of the songs a bit more “roomy.” And as I said earlier this month, I thought some people out there might reject my music simply because it had no real drums.

What’s my personal experience with drumming? Precious little except by osmosis: I was in marching band in high school and while I didn’t play the drums, my sister did, and I was for a long time on a quest to figure out how the magic of drumrolls went down. I bought a pair of my own drumsticks almost 30 years ago, but I’ve never had anything to beat with them except a few cardboard boxes (I hear the Byrds did that in the beginning). Given the quality of the drum loops on modern software—as well as the fact I don’t have a band or a soundproof room in my apartment, and furthermore that I don’t keep time very well—I largely gave up on the idea of real drums until this last autumn, when a kid told me at a high school open house that there were drum rooms in New York City. I realized I could simply take my laptop and a microphone to one of them and experiment.

I’m happy with the results and think I’ve made a fun work that doesn’t sound like anything I’ve done before. The Stonesy flush of “Drink Mee” (the album’s first “single,” as it were) finds me working even without the help of a metronome, and after hearing what I did on the rhythm track here, I decided to go big with a falsetto vocal. I hope you like that instinct, and if not, I apologize in advance.

The idea again: If I’m keeping it fresh for myself, my gamble is that I’m making it fresh for listeners. You can be the judge.

Lyrically, Carnival is a bit of a party album, but since it’s me and I always try to bring a novelist’s sense of irony and wrongness, there’s always going to be a bit of sour with the sweet. As I say on Bandcamp, “The songs look into feelings of anticipation for festive and better times but also know something about the hangovers that come after the fun.”

Meanwhile, I’ll have to humble-brag a bit: With the release of Carnival, I now have almost 600 songs in circulation online. Yes, you can actually go count them (if you’re doing your due diligence).

The entire album Carnival, like its predecessors, was composed, performed and produced by yours truly at my home studio, except, in this case, for the drum tracks, which were recorded at the Rivington Music Rehearsal Studios in lower Manhattan. All the work was done over the autumn of 2025.

The cover photo is by Susan Daniels.

I hope you enjoy it. Here’s a taste from YouTube:

Read Full Post »

–*This Mary Tyler Moore hack will help you take a nothing day and make it all seem worthwhile

–*Say goodbye to moldy broads.

–*Sorry, we meant to say moldy boards … cutting boards

–*This Christian OnlyFans model used to be naked AF.

–*“Bitcoin will change your life!” says this guy who now heads a kidnapping ring.

–*To be clear, I don’t own any crypto, says the author of this blog.

–*Your credentials. Why do you care if I have them for a few minutes?

–*This reformed criminal really gets off on telling you how bad he used to be.

–*This reformed porn star is … oops, never mind; she just went back into the business for the third time.

–*This small town theater production of Romeo and Juliet will have you snickering, “It is the East, and Juliet is 41.”

–*This super cool MTA app will let you verify that your train is not fucking coming anytime soon.

–*If we tell you to sniff this app, you will probably sniff it.

–*This nuclear fission cleanse will suck the atoms right out of your face.

–*Are you really calling the person you think you’re calling? Take this Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

–*It’s kind of like a game, Grandpa!

–*This AI algorithm might flatter you a little, but will it let you back in the air lock?

–*Has your mom been replaced by a robot? Take the schizophrenia quiz.

–*This tradwife hopes you’ll be impressed watching her make bread and also shove a rusty spike up her ass.

–*You won’t believe what this beloved TV star from the ’70s looks like today, especially when you realize he died 12 years ago.

–*This AI brings William Holden back to life and he wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

–*Why you’re not thinking through all the things you could be doing with Miracle Whip right now.

–*Your Mom: Have you blamed her enough for your Dad being a piece of shit?

–*Experts say a tall glass of lemonade would sure feel good right now.

–*Jogging in the snow: What are you, stupid?

–*”That guy would have a pissing match with a camel” is one of those insults that just don’t land, Joey.

–*”That guy’s mom is like a camel. Two humps is all you want.” See, that works much better.

–*Bullies: Why haven’t you worked harder to make them like you?

–*This former celebrity now has a regular job like you. And how contemptible is that?

–*Rob Reiner: No, you didn’t deserve him.

Read Full Post »

Salon de la Guerre is releasing a couple of albums this month. One is a set of rock and pop pieces, but I’ve also got a new collection of piano songs I’ve been working on for the past few months. Half of these are sung songs in the conventional singer-songwriter vein, while five of the songs are classical-music-inspired improvisations. This new album, Everything’s Fine, hits the streams today and you can find it on Apple Music, Amazon, Pandora, YouTube, Bandcamp and Spotify.

I have to apologize for the sound quality on a couple of the songs. As I’ve explained before in other posts, I’m not a trained piano player, and my improvisations are not the kind of things I can easily repeat. When I sit down at the keyboard, I often don’t know whether I’m going to make something wonderful or a piece of dreck, and yet I roll tape anyway and hope for nice surprises. However, that strategy came back to bite me a couple of times this year, especially when I recorded two songs I quite liked while I was also suffering from a raging flu. After I played back these pieces I found that 1) I was extremely proud of what I’d made and 2) you could here sniffing and snorting all over the place. Ugh.

I turned to my software—Goldwave and Logic Pro—to try to get rid of the respiratory background sound effects, and while I succeeded, the sound of these songs got quite muffled. I took a gamble that the nuances and emotion behind the playing would be enough to win my tiny audience over anyway.

I should also note that I while I try not to be treacly or sentimental in my music, a lot of these songs came out on the sad side. Perhaps it’s appropriate since I’ve had some sad news over the last week and perhaps want to wear my heart on my sleeve a little. But I’m hoping to cure the blues when I release a more upbeat album next week called Carnival (which I discussed a few days ago).

I’m including lyrics to the title track of my new album, which is now available on all the major streaming services in digital format only. All the songs were composed and performed this year. Enjoy.

Everything’s Fine
(music and lyrics by Eric R. Rasmussen, copyright 2025)

Everything’s fine
Though the bar is on fire
And the dogs are lapping wine
Everything’s fine

Though the fish they swim in trees
And the whales are in the vines
Everything’s fine

We drink from a hose
And a quack he broke our nose
To look better in the spoon
To make new lovers swoon
But this face is no longer mine
Everything’s fine

Just like somebody’s loss
Is somebody’s gain
I’ll keep my emotions in line
Everything’s fine

A new nose out of reach
And now so is the beach
And we cannot swim there in time
Everything’s fine

You changed your phone number
And now I wait for slumber
In vain on the edge of a dime
Everything’s fine

Your last message was meek
But your morals they were weak
So you packed them up and left them all behind
Everything’s fine

Like a bar that’s on fire
A squirrel fried on a wire
And the vultures are waiting all in line
Everything’s fine

Just like somebody’s loss
Is somebody’s gain
I’ll keep my emotions in line
Everything’s fine

A new nose out of reach
And now so is the beach
And we cannot swim there in time
Everything’s fine



Read Full Post »

A few years ago I was telling a friend after I’d finished an album that I thought I was a pretty good timekeeper.

Without missing a beat, he said: “No you aren’t.” (Thanks, Jason, for keeping me honest!)

If you are a Salon de la Guerre fan (a rare breed) you have likely sensed something critical about my music. Not something missing, necessarily, but a certain sound quality that has characterized my (almost 600!) songs. You are right, and I won’t make you guess: I have never, ever used a real drum set. No real drummer has ever graced a Salon de la Guerre song. Every beat you hear has been patched, drum-machined, looped, fabricated and preconceived by robots. I have found a way many times to work in real instruments (including acoustic and electric guitars, pianos, banjos, lap steel guitars and saxophones). But never a real drum kit.

That is, until this year, when I completed an album called Carnival, coming to a streaming service near you soon.

But let me back up.

How can a rock ’n’ roll fan like me have gone so long without real drums? Well, it’s not because I don’t like them. The answer is one of pure practicality: I live in New York City with my family in an apartment that won’t accommodate an extra room for a drum kit. Even if I did have an extra room, I couldn’t play drums here without bringing down the wrath of neighbors (or my long-suffering wife).

Practical point No. 2: I don’t have a band. As I’ve said before, Salon de la Guerre is largely a one-man project. While that has disadvantages (band dynamics do often make music better), it has also allowed me to release a lot of music at a quick pace because my software lets me to churn it out constantly … so my listeners get to drink from the fire hose.

Since I’m limited only by my imagination, since I’m allowed to be ridiculously productive and since I’m (usually) proud of the work, I’ve never let the drum issue bother me too much. However, I’ve always imagined there’s some audiophile out there who hates computer sounds and might well hate my work for all its computery qualities. That’s bugged me enough that I occasionally have wondered as I’ve passed a drum kit in a store or at someone’s house: “Why not just sit in someone else’s drum kit for a bit and make my own loops?”

Then I had an “Oh, duh!” moment. My son recently started going to a performing arts high school, and during the open houses, the kids told me what I didn’t already know: There are drum rooms all over New York City where I could have been doing this shit all along for a very modest fee, putting real drum parts into my laptop.

Derp!

So with that new knowledge, I booked rooms at Rivington Music Rehearsal Studios this fall. And now Salon de la Guerre is about to release an album where you actually get to hear me play drums for the first time.

Now back to my friend Jason’s point: Drumming is a real talent. It’s not just about doing rolls, flams or other magic tricks. You actually have to count and keep a tempo. My talent at this is suspect (you have all my respect, you real drummers). So most of the songs on my newest album, Carnival, actually mix the real drum beats with the computer loops so that I didn’t lose the time.

Is that cheating? Maybe. Do I care? No. Again, the point was to increase the dimensions of the sound. Having computer and analog sounds together has always been part of my aesthetic, and the contrasts it creates cut deep into the heart of how I see art in general: Art mostly is about contrasts, first and foremost. Forget messages. Forget theory. Forget shiny objects. Contrast (antithesis) is where all the compelling stuff usually is, whether it’s in music, painting or novels.

If your art is about one color white clashing with a lighter shade of white, you and I are likely on the same page. So a computer drum contrasting with a real drum is automatically interesting to me.

Having said that, I did go out on a limb on two or three songs and build the beat in my own wobbly time without a backing drum loop, click track or metronome. Real producers will probably be able to tell which ones, but I still think the music in those cases came out exciting. I might do that again in the future.

I recently submitted Carnival for distribution and hope it will be available on streaming services in the next couple of weeks (or maybe the beginning of next year, since my preferred distributor, CD Baby, has gotten a bit slow lately). I’ll discuss the album more when it’s released.

But look for it. And enjoy some real drums, if that’s your thing.

Read Full Post »

  • Why if you pick the wrong gutter leaf cleaning service, you’ll be damned forever to hell.
  • Why the Pillsbury Doughboy’s political awakening was as creepy and unexpected as it was timely.
  • This TikTok influencer angrily spoke in tongues about a discontinued Dairy Queen item, and we all understood.
  • This once-rageful alpha male comes clean about his hemorrhoid journey.
  • This tradwife was cleaning the toilet like a rock star.
  • Who’s making dinner tonight? Fuck you if you think it’s me.
  • This peaceful city was turned into a war zone in the minds of rural people stealing anhydrous ammonia.
  • Why Hollywood won’t hire Brittany Murphy anymore.
  • This woman who looked up “perineum flowers” was understandably shocked by her findings.
  • Why are so many people’s last words so meh?
  • Study finds biggest hatred shared by recent immigrants: Even more recent immigrants.
  • Why this video of a fawn stumbling awkwardly through the rainy forest surprisingly hasn’t been politicized yet.
  • Free thinker who doubts usefulness of mRNA research is also that guy who disappeared around your sophomore year to “go work with my dad.”
  • Why what happened at school today is none of your business, Mom.
  • Why this Tucson man is worried about you being so young and pretty and alone.
  • Why researchers think the male loneliness epidemic and the male horniness epidemic might be related.
  • Dad’s not doing so well says not-blind daughter.
  • Why these seven appetizers will make you give up on the idea of going back to college.
  • Why Nicole Kidman’s personal turmoil is absolutely yours to delectate in, according to an op-ed writer at Cigar Aficionado magazine.
  • Why this TikTok stitch had to be finished with World War II aerial stock footage after a twisted ankle incident.
  • “It’s not like this marriage started with cartoon animals dressing a happy bride,” and other noted divorce attorney quips.
  • This for-sale house wasn’t haunted by a ghost, per se. But its drywall was indeed ruined by the cigarette-smoking previous owner.
  • Your friend Peter’s racist dad has a lot to say about sluts, too.
  • When does encouraging elderly people to say exactly what’s on their minds become a form of elder abuse? We ask because Peter’s dad is still talking and Peter’s obviously getting a sick thrill from showing him off.
  • This big floppy sandwich wasn’t about to take a TikTok exercise influencer’s bullshit.
  • You’ll never believe what the National Center for Integrative Cleanses said about this detox … because no such center exists. Made you look, asshole!

Read Full Post »

Cover photo by BogdanV.

In the next couple of months, I hope to put out my 10th novel. I guess you could also call this my eighth novel, except that I broke up one of my fatter books a few years ago into three pieces, hoping readers might be more amenable to it if it came in pieces.

The new book is called The Silly Dreams of Shallow Sleep, and it’s a follow-up to my novel Zip Monkey, which I released some years ago. The series follows the adventures of Angel Bimini, a former pornographic actress who has become a New Jersey private detective.

In the new book, she is asked to follow the business dealings of a dead cancer researcher. His ex-colleague thinks his death might have something to do with the Chinese government and its attempts to infiltrate the U.S. scientific research community. Angel is also dealing with a dependency on prescription painkillers, something she started taking after sustaining injuries in the previous book.

I haven’t written a novel in a few years. I’ve been too busy doing music, which is a lot easier for me to write, produce, and release (as you can tell from my prolific output as Salon de La Guerre). But I started tapping out a new work on Angel Bimini a couple of years ago when I remembered her story really wasn’t finished. I’ve even got sketchy ideas for a third book in the series.

I don’t write long form fiction with the same quick facility that I write music. While it’s easy for me to write dialogue and characters, it’s harder for me to keep a long plot sustained, especially a mystery story. The main thing I usually wanna do with my writing is make people laugh, but keeping the audience interested over the course of a book takes a little bit more effort.

I’m having some friends look over the latest draft before I release it. When I do, it should be available as an ebook on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. I know I promised to have paperback-on-demand versions of my books at some point, but these take a little bit more money investment and are a bit more of a design challenge, so I ask for a little more patience on that front.

Watch here for more news. And if you’re interested in any of my other nine books, you can find them here.

Read Full Post »