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Posts Tagged ‘Larry King’

What’s On TV Tonight, Oct. 24

Posted in Film & TV, tagged , , , , , , , , , on October 24, 2010| Leave a Comment »

4 NBC

A man is forced to eat his own entrails. If you can write a plot around this idea, then you’ve got a job at “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.”

24 E! Entertainment Television
Steal, strip, sex your way into fame.

13 PBS
If Oscar Wilde were on Facebook, his status updates would be so witty they would shame you from ever making another one yourself … and other observations by Bill Moyers.

25 MTV
“Hell is Other Guidos”: The Situation, Snookie, Pauly D and JWoww are all stuck together in a room they can’t get out of. And you are paralyzed watching them.

27 The Food Network
Mystery Movie of the Week: The secret sauce is daddy!

36 ABC Family
An innocent squeeze on the cheek cannot be taken at face value in this Anne Sexton biopic.

13 PBS
Anne Sexton: “A woman who loves a woman is forever young.”

24 Lifetime
This lifetime movie on Anne Sexton skews toward women age 30 to 50.

14 CNN
The woman who loves Larry King is forever young.

28 Fox News
A woman who loves Rush Limbaugh is forever quiet, because he can’t hear a word she’s saying.

28 Fox News
Reporter Juan Williams was fired from NPR just for going on Fox News, reports Juan Williams on Fox News.

28 Fox News
A woman is stabbed in Idaho. Coming up: six hours of uninformed conjecture about what it might mean.

28 Fox News
Why it’s unconstitutional to force people to buy health care insurance, car insurance, home owner’s insurance, Social Security, postage stamps or access to the New Jersey Turnpike.

30 CNN
In this latest episode of Crossfire, David and Maddie finally kiss.

31 Current TV
Because of a music rights legal dispute, this biopic on Kurt Cobain features the music of the Dwarves, Zeke, and the Theater of Sheep.

36 Health Network
If you feel as if you can’t concentrate, focus on daily tasks, meet mental challenges, organize your thoughts or retrieve your perspicacity, then the best thing you could possibly be doing right now is watching television.

4 KFOR Oklahoma City
My sister was on this channel the other night! Really! She sat on the journalist panel for the Oklahoma gubernatorial debates.

4 KFOR Oklahoma City
Unfortunately, you have to hate Barack Obama, health care reform, the federal government, roads, bridges and people who get sick if you want to be governor of Oklahoma.

82 Bloomberg
You are unemployed because American companies find you too expensive, and don’t want to waste their vital cash reserves on you and weaken their earnings per share. So if you are smart and can put two and two together, you will vote against the Democrats in two weeks.

54 AMC
“Mad Men” is over for the season, which means it’s best just to turn the television off altogether.

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What’s On TV Tonight, May 26

Posted in Film & TV, tagged , , , , , , , on February 14, 2009| Leave a Comment »

(Originally posted Monday, May 26, 2008 )

2 CBS
Sitcom: At the sound of the dulcet piano tones, the mediocrity will begin

2 ABC
Kelsey Grammer remains on celebrity welfare

4 NBC
American Gladiators: Female business consultant gets repeatedly kicked in the face as people without advanced degrees cheer on.

5 Fox
A big sucking vacuum where American Idol used to be

6 Bravo
A new fashion show: “Does This Really Look Good, Or Are You Trying To Turn Me Into A Little Bitch Boy?”

10 CNN
Larry King will meet the American Idol finalists and learn all about American Idol, whatever that may be.

12 CMT
Thus Spake Foxworthy

21 E! Entertainment Television
Denise Richards: It’s All Pretty Obvious

23 ESPN
Boxing: Middle Weights Race To Brain Damage

24 National Geographic
Mt. Everest Climbers Will Take Your Stunningly Bad Odds

25 A&E
A repackaged version of a bad 40-year-old novel by hack Michael Crichton that is sure to expunge the memory of the unreadable book

26 Comedy Central
Libertarians Telling Fart Jokes

27 Cinemax
Tyler Perry finally creates the remake of the Japanese pornographic castration classic In The Realm of the Senses that we’ve all been waiting for

28 Discovery Channel
Meet the Caribbean Indians who become paralyzed from the neck down so that you can eat at Red Lobster

29 History Channel
Would it be too much to ask for, like, one show on the Gothic migrations or something like that? Or do I have to sit through more nonsense like “Monster Quest,” a cryptozoology show that would be much better fare for a cable access show watched by guys with five foot bongs?

30 HBO
A movie in which we point the camera at Seth Rogan and hope that he’s funny.

31 HBO2
A movie in which we relive the 2000 Florida recount and hope that it’s funny

32 Showtime
With Anne Boleyn gone, “The Tudors” moves at a snail’s pace during its third season and we are treated to much grousing by Henry VIII about his leg ulcers.

33 Lifetime
“Sex and the Single Mom”: The arrival of Grant Show induces labor in pregnant single woman

42 Cinemax
Prehensile Attractions

43 Disney
Hannah Montana feeds your family, bitch. So why don’t you go get Hannah Montana a Diet Coke before Hannah Montana ends you.

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What’s On TV Tonight, Dec. 2

Posted in Film & TV, tagged , , , , , , , on January 27, 2009| Leave a Comment »

(Originally posted Sunday, December 02, 2007)

2 CBS
Walker, Texas Panderer

4 NBC
Law & Order: Professional Athletes Detail

5 ABC
A Chick Show With Even More Extensive String Plucking To Let You Know It’s a Satire, Lest You Think The Hip Producers Are Somehow Not Above Entertaining You

6 CW
America’s Next Top Zionist

7 Telemundo
El Hombre Es Embarazada! Ay!

8 Biography
Taking a cue from Immanuel Kant, viewers make a strike against pure reason by watching psychic shows

9 Cartoon Network
Adult Swim: Bodily Fluids In Anthropomorphic Form

10 ESPN-Classic
“The Cannonball Run II,” like a whore looking for a place to sleep, somehow winds up on ESPN Classic

11 Fox News
Der Hannity Kinder

12 CMT
Where To Get The Hog Feed To Make Your Mash Liquor Without Drawring Attention From the POE-lice

18 History Channel
Just Enough History About the Hippies To Allow You To Dismiss Them All Over Again

19 CNN
Could you say that again? Larry wasn’t listening.

20 FX, 21 Sci-Fi and 22 A&E
We promise to just get grosser and more violent and more profane until you pay attention to us.

21 MTV
Whose Sick Did I Wake Up In?

22 VH-1
Does Carly Simon have to sleep with Flavor Flav to get back on this channel?

24 HBO
A Documentary About Atlantic City Hookers Narrated Entirely In Iambic Pentameter

26 E! Entertainment
Every Girl Is Attractive When She’s Naked (Reality)

28 Bravo
Fear My Brazen Sauce

29 Hallmark
Charles Durning served his country on the beaches of Normandy. Here he stars as Santa in a horrible Christmas show thought up in the marketing department by a 29-year-old yuppie scumbag.

30 Lifetime
Movie: A driven, single-minded career woman who lives only for her work … oh, Jesus, need I continue?

31 Cinemax
The Vagina Syndrome

31 Cinemax
Lonesome Rim

31 Cinemax
Things To Do With Heather In Your Bed

32 BET
Kicked In The Butt By Love

33 HGTV
Kicked In The Butt By an Adjustable-Rate Mortgage

34 Court TV
Your Unabashed Hatred Only Diminishes You, Dear Viewer, But Having Said That, Here Are Some Dirty Filthy, Lowlife, Murdering, Child-Molesting Scumbags You Can Hate

35 Democracy Now
Smug Liberal Curls Lip

YouTube:
–*Bickering Republican Front Runners Make Mike Huckabee Look Not Blood-Curdlingly Stupid For Brief Moment
–*Small Kitten Vomiting and Still Looking Extra Cute
–*Suicide Girl Continuing To Get Positive Feedback For Working Through Her Body Issues the Wrong Way

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What’s On TV Tonight, Nov. 9

Posted in Film & TV, tagged , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2009| Leave a Comment »

(Originally posted Friday, November 09, 2007)

2 CBS
Medium Smackdown: You don’t see dead people, asshole, I do.

2 CBS
Forensic Shows With A Preponderent Number of Their Themes Increasingly Directed at Cannibalism and Incest To Drive Up the “Wow” Factor

4 NBC
“Bionic Woman”: Jaime Unfortunately Finds Out Once Again That Her Sexual Embrace Is a Death Grip

5 ABC
Woman Doctors Making Dick Jokes (Featuring A Soundtrack of Coyly Plucked Strings)

7 Fox
An Aggressive Reality Cooking Show With a Host You’d Like To Murder, Followed By A Fictional Show In Which Somebody Murders the Host of an Aggressive TV Reality Cooking Show

8 CW
Gossip Girl Ups The Ante By Calling Lindsey “A Cunt Who’s Going to Get What’s Coming To Her.”

9 Lifetime
We Have Found That Paranormal Psychic Crap Skews Very Clearly Toward Women In their late 30s, 40s and 50s

9 Lifetime
Couples Not Having Sex And Whining About It

10 Telemundo
Las Parejas Que Tienen Poco Sexo y … Blah Blah Blah

13 PBS
Documentary historian Ken Burns takes us back to the last war we can all agree on.

14 ABC Family
America’s Funniest Home Videos, Extra Sadistic Edition

15 Animal Planet
Awwwwww….Swimming Lions … Awwwwwww

16 CNN
Larry King Throws Another Sop To Idiots With A Story on UFOs

17 CNBC
The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch

18 Fox News
Much Smaller, More Easily Digestible Ideas with Neil Cavuto

19 BET
Movie: A Crude Farce Revolving Around the Antics of Sex-Obsessed Friends. (That’s Not Me Being Funny, That’s Really From the TV Guide Description, I Swear to Christ)

19 BET
Something, something. Something, something? Something, something!

20 Headline News
A Nightly News Show That Focuses On Topical Issues, But Better For Us If There’s a Hot-Looking Teen Involved

21 MTV
Martha Quinn Is Freed From an Underground Torture Room and Real Music Videos Are Played Everywhere For All To Hear and Enjoy

22 E! Entertainment Television
Something New To Liberate Your Penis For

26 Crosswalk
Democracy Now: Communists Have Seized the Country, But You Don’t Even Know Because You Don’t Read the Paper or Watch This Channel

27 Crosswalk
The Robin Byrd Show: Waiting to Expel

28 Discovery Health
Birth Is Just Gross

29 HBO
Miami Vice

30 Cinemax
The Co-Eds Are Not Studying

31 Sundance Channel
Eco Friendly Places To Store Your Bodily Waste

32 The Independent Film Channel
Henry Rollins trying to make a point dressed as a meter maid, though I’m not sure I get what it is.

32 The Independent Film Channel
Indie Sex. There, we said it. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex….

33 VH-1
P Diddy Sells a New Fragrance That Smells Like Somebody Made P Diddy

YouTube
–*A shark eating my dog
–*Why Stalin was a cool guy
–*A slide show of a woman dancing around in her bra to a Jay-Z song
–*A double-jointed guy showin’ us how he rolls
–*The new “Retributioners” trailer. Cha-ching! Made you look!

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