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Posts Tagged ‘Gossip Girl’

2 CBS
Survivor: the Andean Mountain Uruguayan Soccer Team Challenge

4 NBC
Tina Fey delivers another awesomely written episode of 30 Rock that you won’t watch because you’d rather see Ray J drink champagne off the nude body of a developmentally disabled cocktail waitress.

5 E! Entertainment
Slowing Down For the Kardashians

6 ABC
From the Nokia Theater, the American Music Awards featuring Taylor Swift. Swift and Kanye West perform a unity medley of Elmo’s greatest self-esteem songs.

6 ABC
On Oprah, porn star Jenna Jameson shows she doesn’t know the difference between good attention and bad attention.

7 PBS
Frontline examines how medical marijuana is now being prescribed for glaucoma, hyperactivity in children, anal expulsive personality disorder, low self esteem and poverty.

7 CNN
Lou Dobbs puts up a fence in his own back yard and declares his own house free of Mexicans, at least the ones he’s not married to.

7 CNN
On Larry King, former Miss California USA Carrie Prejean continues to show that she doesn’t know the difference between good attention and bad attention.

9 The History Channel
Catherine the Great is remembered for also being a great lover of animals. A really great lover.

10 MTV
If The Hills were really unscripted, somebody certainly would have killed somebody else by now.

11 CW
Gossip Girl: OMFG! A 3some! WTF? LOL!

11 CW
Gossip Girl: Oh no! ABRT!

11 CW
Two Gossip Girls, One Cup

11 CW
Gossip Girl does not know the difference between good attention and bad attention.

11 CW
Gossip Girl: Hey, did anybody notice that the “threesome” entry on Wikipedia has completely gratuitous threesome pictures? A little off topic, but hey, I’m just sayin’ …

12 Fox News
Glenn Beck doesn’t know the difference between good attention and bad attention. Yet that lack of self-awareness is refreshing, and has allowed us all to relax a bit and once again feel OK enjoying manifestly racist invective. Thanks, Glenn!

13 AMC
After watching Mad Men‘s Don Draper drink, womanize and verbally and physically abuse people, do any of us remember why we ever liked him in the first place?

14 Fox News
After watching Sarah Palin lie, back stab, quit her job, pander to idiots, mangle language, manipulate her family, infight with co-workers, exhibit total ignorance about global affairs and exploit her looks to cover up her lack of substance, do any of us wonder why she’s not starring on AMC’s Mad Men yet?

14 Fox News
Sarah Palin doesn’t know the difference between good attention and bad attention. Or that Africa isn’t a country.

15 HBO
Boogie Nights, a rip-off of Martin Scorsese movies with no ending

15 HBO
Magnolia, a rip-off of Robert Altman movies with no ending

15 HBO
There Will Be Blood, a rip-off of Stanley Kubrick movies with no ending.

15 HBO
The Dukes of Hazzard, a rip-off of the William Shakespeare classic, A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

15 HBO
The Muppet Movie, a retelling of the legend of Galahad, in which a knight of pure heart in the form of a frog seeks the cup of glory, a frog who embodies a code of chivalry and romance that none of his peers can match and which engenders in him a contempt of the world and it of him, his unworldliness both holy but also cold and tragic.

16 Cinemax
Fellating For Godot

17 HGTV
Martha Stewart Presents: How To Throw A Family Fight That Tastes Like Christmas

18 We
We is the channel that celebrates women. Next up, a bunch of catfighting, money grubbing bitches from Great Neck going through the Change.

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(Originally posted Monday, December 15, 2008 )

2 CBS
Two and a Half Plot Developments

3 ABC
20/20 follows the students who put on the behind-the-scenes video of the documentary of the re-make of “The Wiz” as performed by a variety of crack addicts.

4 NBC
“Heroes”: all the superpowered people discover that they are all at the mercy of a strange and horrible force called the Writer’s Guild of America who determines how often they will appear on television and who intermittently go on strike and curtail the heroes’ powers.

5 CW
“Gossip Girl”: Episode 48: Where a newcomer to town asks the question, “Hey girls, is there not any place for a large-breasted 16-year-old blonde in your clique?”

7 Univision
Telenovella: Dona Barbados gives her unborn son a hairlip by looking directly at a lunar eclipse.

8 Christian Broadcasting Network
700 Club special: How to kick an angel’s ass.

9 Animal Planet
Cats 101: How to tell if a calico needs special attention or if it’s just an asshole the same way some humans are.

10 ION
A crime scene covered with blood and semen would take this show about naval forensic investigators to the next level.

11 Travel
Taking X with a lot of crazy, broke Icelanders.

13 PBS
Taking X with a lot of crazy old people at Antiques Roadshow

15 MTV
A lot of blood and semen on the walls would take this Pauly Shore show to the next level.

18 ABC Family
Show: “You are such a mom,” and other things people say when they’re trying to start a fuckin’ fight.

19 Health
Hair pulling can get you a behavioral problem category all your own. Aren’t you special?

21 Vh-1
When Rock of Love skanks aren’t put to the proper uses for which they’ve been bred, they become neurotic and clingy and start to act out and fight and bite and scratch

22 Cinemax
A witty little film that conflates the sublime with the ridiculous, the sacred with the profane. Starring a lot of big-titted porn stars.

23 National Geographic
Uncovering the secrets of “The Dead Sea Scrolls”: It’s just a lot of crazy talk by a bunch of bearded crazy members of a Levantine cult.

24 CNN
A 24-hour loop of an Iraqi journalist throwing his shoes at George Bush over and over and over and over and over.

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(Originally posted Friday, November 09, 2007)

2 CBS
Medium Smackdown: You don’t see dead people, asshole, I do.

2 CBS
Forensic Shows With A Preponderent Number of Their Themes Increasingly Directed at Cannibalism and Incest To Drive Up the “Wow” Factor

4 NBC
“Bionic Woman”: Jaime Unfortunately Finds Out Once Again That Her Sexual Embrace Is a Death Grip

5 ABC
Woman Doctors Making Dick Jokes (Featuring A Soundtrack of Coyly Plucked Strings)

7 Fox
An Aggressive Reality Cooking Show With a Host You’d Like To Murder, Followed By A Fictional Show In Which Somebody Murders the Host of an Aggressive TV Reality Cooking Show

8 CW
Gossip Girl Ups The Ante By Calling Lindsey “A Cunt Who’s Going to Get What’s Coming To Her.”

9 Lifetime
We Have Found That Paranormal Psychic Crap Skews Very Clearly Toward Women In their late 30s, 40s and 50s

9 Lifetime
Couples Not Having Sex And Whining About It

10 Telemundo
Las Parejas Que Tienen Poco Sexo y … Blah Blah Blah

13 PBS
Documentary historian Ken Burns takes us back to the last war we can all agree on.

14 ABC Family
America’s Funniest Home Videos, Extra Sadistic Edition

15 Animal Planet
Awwwwww….Swimming Lions … Awwwwwww

16 CNN
Larry King Throws Another Sop To Idiots With A Story on UFOs

17 CNBC
The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch

18 Fox News
Much Smaller, More Easily Digestible Ideas with Neil Cavuto

19 BET
Movie: A Crude Farce Revolving Around the Antics of Sex-Obsessed Friends. (That’s Not Me Being Funny, That’s Really From the TV Guide Description, I Swear to Christ)

19 BET
Something, something. Something, something? Something, something!

20 Headline News
A Nightly News Show That Focuses On Topical Issues, But Better For Us If There’s a Hot-Looking Teen Involved

21 MTV
Martha Quinn Is Freed From an Underground Torture Room and Real Music Videos Are Played Everywhere For All To Hear and Enjoy

22 E! Entertainment Television
Something New To Liberate Your Penis For

26 Crosswalk
Democracy Now: Communists Have Seized the Country, But You Don’t Even Know Because You Don’t Read the Paper or Watch This Channel

27 Crosswalk
The Robin Byrd Show: Waiting to Expel

28 Discovery Health
Birth Is Just Gross

29 HBO
Miami Vice

30 Cinemax
The Co-Eds Are Not Studying

31 Sundance Channel
Eco Friendly Places To Store Your Bodily Waste

32 The Independent Film Channel
Henry Rollins trying to make a point dressed as a meter maid, though I’m not sure I get what it is.

32 The Independent Film Channel
Indie Sex. There, we said it. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex….

33 VH-1
P Diddy Sells a New Fragrance That Smells Like Somebody Made P Diddy

YouTube
–*A shark eating my dog
–*Why Stalin was a cool guy
–*A slide show of a woman dancing around in her bra to a Jay-Z song
–*A double-jointed guy showin’ us how he rolls
–*The new “Retributioners” trailer. Cha-ching! Made you look!

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