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Tonight, Vice President Mike Pence faced off against Democratic VP candidate Kamala Harris in Salt Lake City, Utah. The debate was shrouded in anxiety over what doctors considered high risk of Covid-19 transmission, and plexiglass dividers were set up between the candidates.

What were some of the highlights?

–*When asked why the U.S. death rate from Covid-19 is higher, Vice President Mike Pence said it was far worse to imagine the deaths that could have happened in the past under the Barack Obama administration. Unfortunately, this joke has no punchline. The stupidity and ignominy speak for themselves.

–*Covid-19 is on top of people’s minds tonight. Also, it might be on on top of Mike Pence’s clothes.

–*The plexiglass dividers allow us to wipe the communist China comments off with Windex and bleach.

–*Mike Pence dodges the question and starts talking about taxes when somebody says, “Mr. Vice President, I might be having a heart attack right now. My God, can you call an ambulance!”

–*Mike Pence grants you the serenity to accept the climate change that Mike Pence will not change.

–*Pence asks Kamala Harris whether her team will stack the Supreme Court and dilute the court system’s current crop of unqualified, ideological conservative lackeys.

–*Kamala Harris has spent her career honing her skills cross-examining people who are desperately lying to keep themselves out of terrible trouble for high crimes and mischief. So, yeah … that …

–*When asked about the debate, four out of five viewers said, “Jesus, would you stop using the phrase ‘thread the needle’! Give it a rest!”

–*Pence promises to close the gender gap his ticket faces by pressing ahead with the Trump administration’s plan to grab more women by the crotch.

–*We now cut away for commercial break … Yikes! … suicide hotline ad. Not a good time. We don’t want to give anybody any ideas.

–*Pence stands solidly behind those members of American law enforcement not currently investigating multiple members of his administration.

–*Kamala Harris stands up for the future of racial justice (and probably ought not talk about her role as a prosecutor in racial justice past).

–*America is easily distracted by a fly that spent several minutes on Mike Pence’s hair. That would be frivolous of them, but if you’ve been looking at or listening to Mike Pence for any length of time, I’d say the frivolity boat has already sailed.

–*”Vote for the Fly” would be a funny hashtag, right? Sure, go back and tell your 2016 self how well “Vote for the Fly” worked out.

–*Covid-19 is no laughing matter. Remember to ask your sexual partners if they’ve had any contact with Mike Pence.

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Glenn Beck recently went to CNN to ask the musical question: What are we doing to do about the resurgent racist right?

We’ll drive ourselves crazy trying to ask the question, “Is every Trump supporter racist?” The answer is no. The more important thing is that they are disengaged, unserious, incurious, did not understand the economic forces underlying their problems, and were easily distracted because of their low threshold for boredom. These qualities allowed them to be easily used by Trump, whose tactics are old and familiar to any person who’s taken one history class. And their disengagement will allow them to be used again by a small but dedicated group of ACTUAL racists to rise to levels of power not seen in this country since the 1920s. Trumpites’ unfocused anger was the problem until last week. Their inertia will be the problem now. They’ll say, “This racism talk doesn’t apply to me” without acknowledging that they unleashed and empowered white nationalists and that, if they think of themselves as good people, they are many times more obligated to call out racists in their own ranks than they realize.

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(Originally posted Monday, December 15, 2008 )

2 CBS
Two and a Half Plot Developments

4 NBC
“Heroes”: all the superpowered people discover that they are all at the mercy of a strange and horrible force called the Writer’s Guild of America who determines how often they will appear on television and who intermittently go on strike and curtail the heroes’ powers.

5 CW
“Gossip Girl”: Episode 48: Where a newcomer to town asks the question, “Hey girls, is there not any place for a large-breasted 16-year-old blonde in your clique?”

7 Univision
Telenovella: Dona Barbados gives her unborn son a hairlip by looking directly at a lunar eclipse.

8 Christian Broadcasting Network
700 Club special: How to kick an angel’s ass.

9 Animal Planet
Cats 101: How to tell if a calico needs special attention or if it’s just an asshole the same way some humans are.

10 ION
A crime scene covered with blood and semen would take this show about naval forensic investigators to the next level.

11 Travel
Taking X with a lot of crazy, broke Icelanders.

13 PBS
Taking X with a lot of crazy old people at Antiques Roadshow

15 MTV
A lot of blood and semen on the walls would take this Pauly Shore show to the next level.

18 ABC Family
Show: “You are such a mom,” and other things people say when they’re trying to start a fuckin’ fight.

19 Health
Hair pulling can get you a behavioral problem category all your own. Aren’t you special?

21 Vh-1
When Rock of Love skanks aren’t put to the proper uses for which they’ve been bred, they become neurotic and clingy and start to act out and fight and bite and scratch

22 Cinemax
A witty little film that conflates the sublime with the ridiculous, the sacred with the profane. Starring a lot of big-titted porn stars.

24 CNN
A 24-hour loop of an Iraqi journalist throwing his shoes at George Bush over and over and over and over and over.

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