Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘vice presidential debate’

Tonight, Vice President Mike Pence faced off against Democratic VP candidate Kamala Harris in Salt Lake City, Utah. The debate was shrouded in anxiety over what doctors considered high risk of Covid-19 transmission, and plexiglass dividers were set up between the candidates.

What were some of the highlights?

–*When asked why the U.S. death rate from Covid-19 is higher, Vice President Mike Pence said it was far worse to imagine the deaths that could have happened in the past under the Barack Obama administration. Unfortunately, this joke has no punchline. The stupidity and ignominy speak for themselves.

–*Covid-19 is on top of people’s minds tonight. Also, it might be on on top of Mike Pence’s clothes.

–*The plexiglass dividers allow us to wipe the communist China comments off with Windex and bleach.

–*Mike Pence dodges the question and starts talking about taxes when somebody says, “Mr. Vice President, I might be having a heart attack right now. My God, can you call an ambulance!”

–*Mike Pence grants you the serenity to accept the climate change that Mike Pence will not change.

–*Pence asks Kamala Harris whether her team will stack the Supreme Court and dilute the court system’s current crop of unqualified, ideological conservative lackeys.

–*Kamala Harris has spent her career honing her skills cross-examining people who are desperately lying to keep themselves out of terrible trouble for high crimes and mischief. So, yeah … that …

–*When asked about the debate, four out of five viewers said, “Jesus, would you stop using the phrase ‘thread the needle’! Give it a rest!”

–*Pence promises to close the gender gap his ticket faces by pressing ahead with the Trump administration’s plan to grab more women by the crotch.

–*We now cut away for commercial break … Yikes! … suicide hotline ad. Not a good time. We don’t want to give anybody any ideas.

–*Pence stands solidly behind those members of American law enforcement not currently investigating multiple members of his administration.

–*Kamala Harris stands up for the future of racial justice (and probably ought not talk about her role as a prosecutor in racial justice past).

–*America is easily distracted by a fly that spent several minutes on Mike Pence’s hair. That would be frivolous of them, but if you’ve been looking at or listening to Mike Pence for any length of time, I’d say the frivolity boat has already sailed.

–*”Vote for the Fly” would be a funny hashtag, right? Sure, go back and tell your 2016 self how well “Vote for the Fly” worked out.

–*Covid-19 is no laughing matter. Remember to ask your sexual partners if they’ve had any contact with Mike Pence.

Read Full Post »

–*If you apologize to an old lady for running her over with a car, you are apologizing for American values.

–*If you’re going to do the necessary job of cutting military spending, it’s better to do it from the labyrinthine offices of a giant bicameral building where nobody can see you, so you can blame the person who signed your cuts. That’s much better than sitting in such an easily recognizable big “white house” which will attract attention and scorn.

–*Joe Biden did not support the Iraq War. We invite you to go to the Congressional Record and unlearn that now.

–*Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan agrees with the Obama administration’s policy of sending no troops to Syria. But it is indefensible that in doing so, Obama has not yet called the French-controlled U.N. a bunch of cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

–*Paul Ryan wants to cut loopholes for the rich. By “loophole,” he’s using the Webster’s definition–a small opening through which a firearm can be fired, most likely at the poor people coming to steal the rich person’s food.

–*Paul Ryan does not believe you can separate religion from politics, a point of view that places him squarely in the tradition of other Ottoman sultans.

–*We learned from Paul Ryan that unemployment continues to go up and Lindsay Lohan is currently dating Samantha Ronson.

–*Paul Ryan says that Barack Obama’s intelligence failures on Sept. 11 were indefensible. He will not clarify which September 11.

–*Joe Biden’s continued laughing is highly distracting to many viewers, who insist it was disrespectful right at the point they were just getting mesmerized into non-critical thinking.

–*Moderator Martha Raddatz kept the candidates’ feet to the fire, especially when she called upon them to bravely make obeisance to a sky god.

–*Iran is a rogue nation and theocracy on the verge of gaining nuclear weapons. Obama has tried to introduce sanctions, but according to Ryan, that’s not fast enough. The sanctions must be faster than a centrifuge, Ryan says.  We’re talking 1065 hertz!

–*Obama might have been introducing worms and using other covert methods to sabotage Iran’s nuclear program and cripple it, but according to Ryan, the Obama administration has no credibility with the Iranians. When asked to define credibility, Ryan says it is not about bombing or threatening invasion or killing scientists … no “credibility” is just too difficult to explain and he will fill in the details later when he is vice president.

–*We’ve had 8% unemployment since January 2009. Most economists would see that as a lagging indicator of a credit-spurred recession. But that’s a long sentence. “Obamacare” is much shorter and easier to say.

–*Actually now unemployment is 7.8%, which just doesn’t have as much polemical magic as August’s figures did. Shit.

–*We learned that when the going gets tough, Joe Biden can come out and give the fight of Barack Obama’s life.

–*Paul Ryan plans to cut the same amount of Medicare as the Obama administration. But at least it won’t be rationed. It will just be gone. And you can take that to the bank.

–*Reviewers were relieved that, in this post-racial world, two filthy Irishmen can now have a spirited argument in public.

Read Full Post »