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Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

What Clickbait Items Are We Opening? (Dec. 15, 2025)

Posted in Film & TV, Comedy, Entertainment, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2025| Leave a Comment »

–*This Mary Tyler Moore hack will help you take a nothing day and make it all seem worthwhile

–*Say goodbye to moldy broads.

–*Sorry, we meant to say moldy boards … cutting boards

–*This Christian OnlyFans model used to be naked AF.

–*“Bitcoin will change your life!” says this guy who now heads a kidnapping ring.

–*To be clear, I don’t own any crypto, says the author of this blog.

–*Your credentials. Why do you care if I have them for a few minutes?

–*This reformed criminal really gets off on telling you how bad he used to be.

–*This reformed porn star is … oops, never mind; she just went back into the business for the third time.

–*This small town theater production of Romeo and Juliet will have you snickering, “It is the East, and Juliet is 41.”

–*This super cool MTA app will let you verify that your train is not fucking coming anytime soon.

–*If we tell you to sniff this app, you will probably sniff it.

–*This nuclear fission cleanse will suck the atoms right out of your face.

–*Are you really calling the person you think you’re calling? Take this Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

–*It’s kind of like a game, Grandpa!

–*This AI algorithm might flatter you a little, but will it let you back in the air lock?

–*Has your mom been replaced by a robot? Take the schizophrenia quiz.

–*This tradwife hopes you’ll be impressed watching her make bread and also shove a rusty spike up her ass.

–*You won’t believe what this beloved TV star from the ’70s looks like today, especially when you realize he died 12 years ago.

–*This AI brings William Holden back to life and he wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

–*Why you’re not thinking through all the things you could be doing with Miracle Whip right now.

–*Your Mom: Have you blamed her enough for your Dad being a piece of shit?

–*Experts say a tall glass of lemonade would sure feel good right now.

–*Jogging in the snow: What are you, stupid?

–*”That guy would have a pissing match with a camel” is one of those insults that just don’t land, Joey.

–*”That guy’s mom is like a camel. Two humps is all you want.” See, that works much better.

–*Bullies: Why haven’t you worked harder to make them like you?

–*This former celebrity now has a regular job like you. And how contemptible is that?

–*Rob Reiner: No, you didn’t deserve him.

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What Clickbait Headlines Are We Opening? June 17, 2025

Posted in Comedy, tagged , , , , , on June 17, 2025| Leave a Comment »

–*This Ryan Reynolds look-alike has people doubting their own sanity.

–*This bog body was obviously not having a good time 8,000 years ago.

–*You’re being attracted to Sydney Sweeney all wrong.

–*Are you really into Pre-Raphaelite art or just into crazy chicks? Take this quiz.

–*Will anything stop Timothée Chalamet? What about his being chained to this radiator?

–*How this brain-eating amoeba learned to relax.

–*How your inability to do long division is making you feel safer in these Red States.

–*That song you’re enjoying right now … have you thought about whether it’s less perfect than “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys?

–*Nation‘s pigeons want to know: Are you going to drop that bread?

–*Customer service representative confidently refers you back to the number you already dialed.

–*This devastated chef used to be a devastated cook.

–*And just like that, “Sex and the City” removed all the jokes from the scripts.

–*Children of alcoholics confess: A few of the years were fun.

–*The NSA admits the nation’s paranoids are getting too boring to eavesdrop on.

–*We threw random punches at people, and if you know anything about mammals, their reactions will not surprise you.

–*Don’t let sinkholes get you down.

–*This fast food disruptor offers hamburger solutions.

–*Last bit of imagination this Ohio man boasted could’ve been used on climate solutions, but he wrote a dragon screenplay.

–*Last bit of imagination this New York man boasted could’ve been used on climate solutions, but he wrote a comedy listicle.

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My New Novel

Posted in Books & Literature, Comedy, Fiction, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 6, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Cover photo by BogdanV.

In the next couple of months, I hope to put out my 10th novel. I guess you could also call this my eighth novel, except that I broke up one of my fatter books a few years ago into three pieces, hoping readers might be more amenable to it if it came in pieces.

The new book is called The Silly Dreams of Shallow Sleep, and it’s a follow-up to my novel Zip Monkey, which I released some years ago. The series follows the adventures of Angel Bimini, a former pornographic actress who has become a New Jersey private detective.

In the new book, she is asked to follow the business dealings of a dead cancer researcher. His ex-colleague thinks his death might have something to do with the Chinese government and its attempts to infiltrate the U.S. scientific research community. Angel is also dealing with a dependency on prescription painkillers, something she started taking after sustaining injuries in the previous book.

I haven’t written a novel in a few years. I’ve been too busy doing music, which is a lot easier for me to write, produce, and release (as you can tell from my prolific output as Salon de La Guerre). But I started tapping out a new work on Angel Bimini a couple of years ago when I remembered her story really wasn’t finished. I’ve even got sketchy ideas for a third book in the series.

I don’t write long form fiction with the same quick facility that I write music. While it’s easy for me to write dialogue and characters, it’s harder for me to keep a long plot sustained, especially a mystery story. The main thing I usually wanna do with my writing is make people laugh, but keeping the audience interested over the course of a book takes a little bit more effort.

I’m having some friends look over the latest draft before I release it. When I do, it should be available as an ebook on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. I know I promised to have paperback-on-demand versions of my books at some point, but these take a little bit more money investment and are a bit more of a design challenge, so I ask for a little more patience on that front.

Watch here for more news. And if you’re interested in any of my other nine books, you can find them here.



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How Is Yahoo Yanking Our Chain Today?

Posted in Comedy, The Web, tagged , , on October 15, 2024| Leave a Comment »

What partial headlines on Yahoo! are pulling us into bullshit stories?

  • Big changes for Taylor Swift after the big news that …
  • Kristin Cavallari had to run for her life after her encounter with that giant …
  • Maroon 5 weren’t feeling too good after falling into the …
  • Ariana Grande comes clean about the giant, swelling ….
  • The rumors are true about Tom Brady and the irrevocable …
  • Bernie Madoff is still certainly …
  • Native Americans weren’t happy when colonists infected them with …
  • Did Kristen Bell just flash her ….
  • Kawhi Leonard can no longer play …
  • People couldn’t look away when Sydney Sweeney removed her …
  • It’s true, this Emerson Lake & Palmer song went on for almost …
  • The Supreme Court refused to hear that case about the …
  • Crotch rot is real, says NFL player Jo …
  • The wife goes, the herpes stay, says three-time Grammy Award winner Ma …
  • Did he diddy at a Diddy party? We ask Ro…

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Clickbait Headlines, Aug. 14, 2024

Posted in Comedy, The Web, tagged , , , , , on August 14, 2024| Leave a Comment »

  • You’re eating Tide pods all wrong.
  • This indulgence hack will get Catholics into heaven for a small fee.
  • Tornados are so beautiful and scary you want to just go right up and kiss them … and you absolutely should!
  • This man was a demented stalker at 20 but a fiercely loyal and devoted husband at 40. Oddly, his essential qualities didn’t need to change much.
  • This band made it to the next level and all they needed was a lead singer who could come in and start removing all the original members.
  • Paleontologists didn’t mince words when they called this raptor “King of the Dicks.”
  • Sexologists say it’s a given that the experience of having sex in Iowa is something most Homo sapiens will never know.
  • You used cash? What are you, stupid?
  • This Kubla Khan hack will have you drinking the milk of paradise.
  • This mortal coil shake will have you losing hundreds of pounds.
  • You called this anole a salamander and he wasn’t about to take your shit.
  • Do you fall in and out of love too quickly and then execute your ex-loves at the Tower? Take our Henry VIII quiz.
  • Donald Trump started speaking in tongues and his tongue wasn’t having it.
  • This adolescent sleuth figured out that the dialogue in porno movies is almost identical to the stage directions.
  • Only these four actors ever accurately portrayed the harrowing act of eating an overstuffed, sloppy sandwich.
  • Demi Moore leaves nothing to the imagination.
  • Halle Berry leaves nothing to the imagination.
  • Sydney Sweeney leaves nothing to the imagination.
  • This plate of waffles left nothing to the imagination.
  • This abandoned car battery in your unemployed neighbor’s front yard left nothing to the imagination.
  • Yep. That’s a dead deer right there.
  • “Look at you standing there with your mouth open,” voted top term of endearment for couples in their twelfth year of marriage.
  • This guy’s essay on late capitalism made a comfy nest for a family of mice that lived for months under his dead body.
  • Do you feel the Olympic Games have strayed too far from their Christian origins? Answer this poll that is actually an advertisement.
  • This dark web hack will have you removing your enemies’ content on false copyright infringement grounds.
  • This dark web hack will have you dissolving the U.S. Constitution on false voter fraud grounds.

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What’s On TV Tonight?

Posted in Comedy, tagged , , , , , , on May 5, 2024| Leave a Comment »

22 History
Rich Titanic survivor recalls harrowing moment ship ran out of olives.

21 Bravo
“Below Deck”: The audience patiently awaits a mutiny, even if it might take years.

23 PBS
“Frontline”: The complicated ethics of exaggerating the size of some ethical questions.

25 ABC
Battle of the Network Wonks

45 HBO
A tantalizing documentary about an HBO show that may or may not have hired intimacy coordinators. It’s hot-t-t-t-t-t!

72 Bravo
“Finding Your Roots” discovers a lot of old farmers.

89 ESPN
We’re going to keep mixing sports frivolously. Up next: “Pickleball Meets Monster Energy Supercross.”

170 C-SPAN 2
Here’s where you can find out about all the books you might otherwise be reading if you weren’t watching a TV show about books.

32 Nickelodeon
Movie: “Henry Danger Has Lukewarm Date With Dale Prudent.”

82 HGTV
How to upgrade the vestibule the cops have locked you in during a university protest sweep.

96 Tubi
This episode of “Body Fixers” offers extra blood and pus.

98 C-SPAN
South Dakota governor Kristi Noem advocates for “Secretary of Dog Killing” as new cabinet position.

96 Tubi
“Body Fixers” discovers what’s really wrong with your hair extensions: You have borderline personality disorder.

72 Bravo
“Vanderpump Rules” explores the allure of forbidden love but asks how forbidden it really is when everybody knows that it’s going to result in ratings that are very much bidden.

101 CNN
Israel-Palestine: How your extreme thinking on a complicated issue is going to make everything better, according to the people you are taking social cues from at this moment.

86 TBN
Good news! Grace just got a lot more affordable!

86 TBN
As we watch people dissolve into their own solipsistic and bloodthirsty belief systems, we’re reminded that morality is sometimes best left to the professionals at AutoZone.

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What Clickbait Stories Are We Opening? Feb. 27, 2024

Posted in Comedy on February 27, 2024| Leave a Comment »

  • This life hack is really just hitting a coconut with a hammer.
  • How fear influences our decisions … including our decisions to run away from a hail of bullets.
  • Trump mistook his wife for a hat, and the hats weren’t having it.
  • How to make the financial system collapse with the power of fear.
  • This general put an egg in his beer because he was obviously still half in the bag.
  • This Republican influencer tells you how to be afraid of transgender people if you’re not afraid of them yet.
  • If you concentrate hard enough, certainly you can stop bombs with your mind. If it doesn’t work, you must not want it badly enough.
  • This confessed rapist might have been taken out of context by us on purpose.
  • The National Lead Council says your food doesn’t have enough lead in it.
  • Are you sending death threats over the internet as often as you could be?
  • Are you swatting people as often as you could be?
  • Why did this dog waste his super-poweful sense of smell on your crotch?
  • Well, these kippers are fucked now.
  • U.S. Presidents: Why aren’t they helping you out of this shit-show you got yourself into?
  • This tar paper roof told everyone what her dad did for a living.
  • Married strippers: “So where is the husband in all this?”
  • How this married Trump supporter became a divorced Trump supporter.
  • Artificial intelligence programs: How to know if you are one of them.

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What Clickbait Headlines Are We Reading, May 9, 2023?

Posted in Comedy, Satire, The Internet, The Web, Will Smith, Seth Rogen, Rasmussen Reports, Amazon, Chris Rock, crypto, dogsled, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2023| Leave a Comment »

  • She was a massive star. Then she vanished when we stopped paying attention to her.
  • These clouds are certainly taking their time to piss rain, says self appointed park weatherman.
  • This woman was tired of waiting on the Holy Spirit and is now just abusing the maintenance staff.
  • Scott Baio seeking new state to be unemployed actor in.
  • We just diarrheaed ourselves over Sydney Sweeney’s glam body hugger Miu Miu dress.
  • This Ukrainian drone was the worst gender reveal party ever.
  • Scientists now agree: weed makes you mellower, stinkier.
  • Why Hollywood won’t cast Jack Lemmon anymore.
  • ChatGPT called Prince Harry’s ghostwriter a slow punk ass bitch.
  • This sexy banker was a “10,” but his above-junk mismatches and overexposure to longer duration made him a “3” when everything tightened.
  • This kid swallowed a bitcoin and shat nothing.
  • These woke teens slept late and missed the first half of the movie. “Sonny Corleone was killed for nothing.”
  • “This show won’t be on Netflix soon because nobody has cast, produced or funded it,” says angry screenwriter.
  • Gee, this interview with a 90-year-old veteran turned racist pretty fast.
  • Florida vows to sell its sinkholes only to American citizens.
  • Teen describes mom’s attempt to reach out to him: “Do you believe that cold-blooded bitch?”
  • Senator describes Kyrsten Sinema’s attempts to ask him about his weekend: “Do you believe that cold-blooded bitch?”
  • Jennifer Aniston went grocery shopping, and Twitter users were not impressed. “Tone deaf AF.”
  • When this lawyer said she only dates lumberjacks, who’d have known she wasn’t fucking around?
  • Uh-oh! That’s a lot of dairy, right there.
  • You can’t deny that this woman sitting on a bus reading a Carl Hiaasen book is iconic.
  • You won’t believe what happened to this sexy bombshell’s clothes unless you book Iceland tickets now.
  • You’ll never guess what most people believed last Friday.
  • These fast-breeding Gen Z slang words are clutch snipperz.
  • Mob justice: if it were ice cream, why the kids would be eating it every day.
  • This see-through dress worn by Elizabeth Olsen had fans remembering that it’s important to spay and neuter their cats.
  • This guy insisted that he saw Captain Kirk over there, but his friend wasn’t having it.
  • Lady Macbeth shouted at the damn spot but Twitter wasn’t having it. “OK, Boomer. Put ice on it.”
  • The fact of inevitable death sucks, but reminding other people they’re going to die makes it a little easier.
  • Is Twitter OK with us announcing this bake sale Friday?

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What Clickbait Articles Are We Opening? March 9, 2023

Posted in Comedy, The Web, Will Smith, Seth Rogen, Rasmussen Reports, Amazon, Chris Rock, crypto, dogsled on March 9, 2023| Leave a Comment »

  • They shared erotic pictures of themselves on an Indonesian chat site. The court’s verdict: sexy!
  • This $2 bill was sitting at the bottom of his sock drawer like a $3 diamond.
  • We’ll never know what the dinosaurs thought of fast food.
  • This blogger said that his child’s painting should be worth $2 million at least. Just look at those colors!
  • Watch this adorable lion cub tussle and tumble with his brothers and try to understand that they are learning to murder.
  • This car wash hack was completely useless to this pedestrian.
  • This Amazon Go store never opened but you can still imagine it in the empty space Amazon left for you to stare at.
  • Kick your online privacy up a notch by faking your own death.
  • This dogsledder did himself no favors when he told the world he was actually a cat person.
  • It’s now more important than ever to have a poker face at the company Christmas party.
  • This couple is sad and disgusted by their totally avoidable 30-year age difference.
  • This urban designer is already thinking a million years ahead to when we’re all being engulfed by karst sinkholes.
  • This newborn doesn’t forgive lightly for you pushing them out of your womb.
  • These old videos surfaced of people sexualizing Seth Rogen in 2022, and needless to say … it was awkward!
  • Bra. Lamp. Fire. It’s all rogue!
  • This Black columnist is the only one who can beat up on a Black entertainer. Everyone else doing it is racist.
  • Not Pretty: These strippers are getting pretty lewd when talking about their healthcare plan deductibles.
  • This plumber shrugged and said, “You should have used copper.”
  • This gun killed everybody but the intruder because physics.
  • This Rasmussen Reports (no relation) innocently asked if it was OK to be white then snuck out the door after starting millions of unnecessary arguments which Rasmussen Reports had no way of knowing would happen because it insists it was just asking a normal, scientific question that many white supremacists would ask.
  • She opened the present and it was Anna, not Elsa. What happened next surprised no one.
  • You won’t be surprised at what this guy who bought pizza with crypto eight years ago more recently did with his firearm.
  • We celebrated the one year anniversary of Will Smith finding a novel solution to the problem of being universally liked.

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What Clickbait Headlines Are We Opening?

Posted in Comedy, Satire, The Internet, tagged , , , , , , , on February 23, 2023| Leave a Comment »

  • Madonna looks unrecognizable in this potato sack.
  • This picture of a stuffed animal fills you with feelings of nostalgia about your lost youth, admit it!
  • This cracked intake manifold was just the last straw in what seems like a life of total failure.
  • This nursing mom was nailing it as she passed on vital nutrients to her baby.
  • Lionel Barrymore is dead, which just confirms what everybody thought.
  • We asked these YouTubers to take the Ozempic challenge, and they did not disappoint.
  • This asexual couple is not apologizing for their totally chaste Friday night.
  • This Botox cannon blasted a female influencer clear into the next cornfield.
  • We’re not totally sure whether we should be sexualizing this penniless 72-year-old in her bandeau bikini top.
  • These six doctors on Long Island couldn’t give a shit if you’re dying.
  • We unraveled Alexandra Daddario’s genome to see if she could be any sexier in this Instagram undies selfie.
  • This woman has no apologies about having her gallstones removed.
  • This guy tells you how to get into an OK college by making fair to middling grades.
  • Kari Lake cannot, in fact, harvest her loss in the Arizona governor’s race to offset capital gains.
  • You’re opening your mail all wrong.
  • This lawyer killed it when she overcame the hurdle rate in her grantor retained annuity trust.
  • This young surgeon wasn’t ready to see a patient’s spleen get that big.
  • These mom hacks will have your kids taken away by social services.
  • Tucker Carlson on how and when and under what conditions that you, too, can be happy.
  • How a gun can take your meh parking space tiff to the next level.
  • How to give smirk-shaped kisses just like Ben Shapiro.
  • Why the best part of this Cracker Barrel breakfast was the morning-after pill.
  • Why your 10-year-old’s YouTube challenge this morning was evidently to sing every variation of the Burger King “Have it your way” jingle.
  • This woman on Reddit says her husband orders salad like an asshole, and she is done!
  • Say goodbye to your windshield. That’s hail!
  • This facial recognition software says pretty definitively that Anne Boleyn looked just like Manson Family member Susan Atkins.
  • Look at this shocking disrespect!
  • Pope says Facebook unfriending works just as well as excommunication.
  • Are you shaming the right people? Take this quiz.

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