Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Monday, November 12, 2007)

Here are a list of some gratuitous celebrity references appearing in your daily news headlines.

–*Woman mauled by bear in Idaho dies singing “Jesus Take The Wheel.” We’ve got photos of Carrie Underwood coming up.

–*Iraq War drags on toward year five. We’ll tell you how that affects Christina Aguilera’s feelings about George Bush coming up.

–*Wildfires continue to ravage Southern California. We’ve got Jenny McCarthy talking about how it affects her new book “A Mother’s Journey In Healing Autism,” coming up after the break.

–*Prostate cancer is on the rise. How will this affect the way Eminem pees? The answer in a bit.

–*The current secretary of defense was in the middle of the shittiest parts of the Iran-Contra scandal. Tommy Lee was also a very notorious ’80s figure. We’ll tell you why on page 10.

–*Global warming could lead to widespread drought in the Western U.S. Where will K-Fed swim naked when the worst comes down?

–*The Bush administration is still fighting for the legal right to torture. Who would post-grunge band Good Charlotte like to torture?

–*Pakistan is in the midst of poltical unrest as lawyers demonstrate for the resumption of democratic elections. Who is fucking Lindsay Lohan?

–*Members of Hamas recently fired on members of the Fatah party in Palestine. Was that a tit Rose McGowan was flashing at the Grammys?

–*Monetary policymakers in the U.S. have been letting the dollar decline in value to close the trade gap with foreign countries. How fat will Britney Spears be when she’s 50?

–*Global warming has led to the fear that the Greenland ice sheet will collapse and polar bears will die out. It’s just my opinion here, but Timbaland rolls like a star.