Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Tuesday, October 09, 2007)

So, there’s someone new on Facebook who wants to be your friend, but you’re not sure how you know them. No worries! Facebook reminds you:

10. Shalayla wants to be your friend. Hint: You were married to her for six years.

9. Bryan wants to be your friend. Hint: You stole his girlfriend in college and he’s always hated you, but he needs the friend count.

8. Rosie wants to be your friend. Hint: She gave you chlamydia when you were twenty-two.

7. Stanley wants to be your friend. Hint: You enjoyed his film “A Clockwork Orange.”

6. Master-Blaster wants to be your friend. Hint: You tried to chop his head off with a battle axe while suspended on long elastic cables in the Thunderdome.

5. Becca wants to be your friend: Hint: You sired her 10 years ago outside of wedlock.

4. Dad wants to be your friend. Hint: It’s your estranged dad, and he wants to be your friend.

3. Alberto wants to be your friend. Hint: He brought you up on ethics charges.

2. Mike wants to be your friend. Hint: He’s a casual acquaintance who has never been friendly before and who has no reason to be friendly now, unless he just wants something.

1. Henry wants to be your friend. Hint: You were both part of a Dionysian ritualistic murder club at your Vermont college where you killed that old man in the woods and then tried to cover it up by pushing your co-conspirator Bunny off a cliff.