Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Wednesday, October 24, 2007)

Things That Have Been Said At Some Point In History With Much Confidence

–“Of course the whole universe revolves around the Earth. That’s just common sense.”

–“Dewey will easily defeat Truman.”

–“That Richard Nixon is a straight shooter.”

–“That James Frey is a pretty straight shooter.”

–“All you need to do to sire a male child is tightly rope off your left testicle during sexual relations.”

–“Leeches will move the bad humors down to your knees, where we will then bleed you for an hour, and that should take care of your runny nose.”

–“As the world’s most beloved aviator who made the first Trans-Atlantic flight, I feel confident when I say that these Nazis are very advanced and their armies are unbeatable.”

–“Our new castration techniques are proven to be highly effective in stopping homosexuality once and for all.”

–“Fred Flintstone is just the exact kind of symbol we need to advertise our cigarettes.”

–“I tell you, if man ever broke the sound barrier, he’d just turn into a great fluff of talcum powder.”

–” ‘Birth of a Nation’ is a very true look at what happens when you intermarry with black people.”

–“As an astronomer, I tell you there are only seven planets, because if they numbered more than the holy number 7, it would be offensive to God.”

–“When one country turns communist, all the others around it turn communist like a bunch of dominoes.”

–“Obviously, the United States will eventually encompass all of North America, including Canada and the area all the way down to Colombia.”

–“We shall create a law in which excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. I call it ‘Amendment 8.'”