(Originally posted Monday, October 22, 2007)
Ways To Invest In These Volatile Markets
The recent volatility in stocks has made some people worry about whether we are on the verge of another bear market and stalling economic growth. Where else will Americans be investing their money to take up more defensive positions?
* In CDs that barely keep up with inflation owned by a bank that won’t have the same name in 10 years.
* In old and collectible Spider-Man comics.
* In commodity 10-year futures contracts for sweet, sweet Spanish ham.
* In an Atlantic City Keno machine.
* Into the education of Rico, the son of your Mexican whore Esmeralda.
* Into a new education at DeVry.
* Into the church, because God is the one in whom you place all your material and spiritual trust.
* Into the equity of China, which is going to be the next superpower anyway.
* Into a diamond ring that has absolutely, positively no resale value and depreciates like a car the moment you sweep her back down the aisle.
* Into a plasma TV as big as a giraffe, because that’s the way you roll.
Beauty is Imperfection 
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