Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted Sunday, October 28, 2007)

Hi folks, I’m Dennis Hopper. You might remember me as the director of “Easy Rider,” as the creepy sadist in “Blue Velvet” or the doped up photographer in “Apocalypse Now.” Maybe you remember how I banged blow-up dolls in “The River’s Edge.”

You might have seen me in “Speed.” Or on it.

But what you might not know is that I’m also a proud registered member of the Republican freakin’ party man and have been since ole Ronny Reagan swaggered through town. Now, you might want to know what an ex-party boy hop head like me is doing in the Grand Ol’ freakin’ Party.

You might wonder why I’m rubbin’ elbows with Newt Gingrich, handing over thousands to the RNC, and proposing faith-based initiatives. In my day, faith-based initiative meant I thought I could fly and I was going to jump off a freakin’ rooftop.

Now, I know what you’re asking ol’ Dennis: How do the values of me and George W. jibe-what with him promoting law and order and me stickin’ ice picks into cops’ brains in my movies. Well, I’m a nonconformist, man. I’ve always thought outside the cube. To me, there’s nothing at all strange about filming an orgy in Taos one second, and then charging Howard Stern a few mil for saying “anal” on the air.

Oh, sure, it may seem far out to you, man, that one day I’m banging a blow-up doll in “River’s Edge,” and the next day getting a leg over for supply side economics, promoting the freakin’ Laffer curve to prove that raising taxes decreases freakin’ revenue.

Yeah, but if you try to box in old Dennis, somebody’s going to get hurt, man. It’s because I’m extreme man. Yesterday I was an extreme radical and today I’m extreme Republican. I’m the guy who’s suckin’ amyl nitrite through a gas mask in one hand and tellin’ you to invest in a 401(k) with the other. So really, no change at all. Except that I look around, and you know, there’s guys like me all over the place.

In fact, I’m so fed up with ex-radicals turned Republicans, that I’m switchin’ back man, just when you expected it the least. I’m going to rejoin the Democratic Party man. Because they need me. They need some wild men. Some Jimmy Deans. They need to eat some peyote buttons and sit in the desert and howl at the moon. That’s why I’m runnin’ for president, man. I challenge Barack Obama to a knife fight, man. And also I want to know if he’ll buy one of my paintings.

Because when I die, when they die, when it dies, will they say it was a kind party? A wise party? That it was a party with plans, with wisdom? Bullshit man! Who’s going to tell them? Me!

Don’t do drugs. Thank you.