Beauty is Imperfection

(Originally posted March 17, 2007)

I was quite impressed when I heard the latest dismissal used on the Pussycat Dolls reality show: “Hang up your boa.” This striking quotable, as well as the phrase “You’re NOT the one that we want,” from the Grease reality TV show, made me wonder what other reality TV catch-phrases might await us in 2007 for real Americans in real-life situations:

“Get out of the stirrups. You will not be America’s next surrogate mom.”

“Drum him out. He is no longer a U.S. Marine.”

“You are defrocked.”

“Hand over the keys to the combine.”

“You must leave the safe house.”

“You are stripped of your command.”

“Back to the general prison population with you.”

“Strike the set: You will not be the next great American playwright.”

“Get out. She doesn’t want to be married to you anymore.” (Donald Trump’s involvement in this would make it that much better.)

“We can’t send you home from Iraq just now.”

“You have been voted out of the halfway house.”

“You will not be getting the morphine.”

“You are not the state.”

“Hand over the diaphragm.”

“We’re repossessing your car.” (Another Trump classic, I hope)

“You are not the baby daddy.”

“Back away from the laproscope.”

“Leave your cleaver on the block.”

“Farewell, my concubine.”

“Drop your pelts.”

“Walk the plank.”

“You are impeached.”

“You must forfeit parental rights.”

“You have been downgraded to sub-prime.”

“It is not safe.”

“You will not be cured.”

“We’re foreclosing.”

“Prince von Anhalt no longer desires your company.”

“You have been forsaken.”

“I have in my pocket only three prophylactics … which means one of you girls must go upstairs, back your bags, and leave the whorehouse.”

Got more, bitches? Post ’em.