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Archive for January 12th, 2010

–*When you’re finally admitting on TV that you’ve done steroids.

–*When you’re finally admitting on TV that you’ve done steroids so that you can get a job with the St. Louis Cardinals.

–*Whenever crisis consultant Ari Fleischer tells you to.

–*Whenever your anger finally wears off and you realize you have done wrong.

–*… which is usually after you stop doing the steroids.

–*Whenever your wife denies you sex and screaming and whining about it is no longer working.

–*Whenever the Fed won’t open the discount window to give you short-term liquidity and screaming and whining about it is no longer working, James Cramer.

–*When you are Brad Pitt and it’s near the end of the movie and you haven’t had an Oscar clip yet.

–*When Jack plunges into the North Sea frozen, too late for Rose to save him.

–* … no wait, sorry, maybe you were just peeling an onion.

–*When your manly facade has fallen, and all the posturing and machismo no longer salve the existential pain of your mortality. When your bluster fails and there’s nothing left but to be stripped down to the wounded child inside. Nothing left. You are utterly, utterly naked to the world.

–*When it’s summer and the Mets are playing.

–*When it’s summer and Mariah is playing and you are gay.

–*When Mistress Alana orders you to cry you little bitch boy.

–*It’s always OK for a man to cry if he is in touch with his feelings. But if he does it in the army or in prison he’s going to get the shit kicked out of him.

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