Archive for August 14th, 2009

Finding Joy

What small pleasures do we ignore that would make us happier if we just thought about them a little more?

–*A smile from a friend

–*Warm bread

–*Your cat butting its head into your arm

–*The pleasing xylophone sound from the Microsoft operating system

–*A smile from a friend, even one you don’t talk to that often

–*The feel of suede on your shoes, your coat or even just a square of it you keep for fetish purposes

–*A bouquet of flowers from a friend

–*The smell of ozone when you turn on a space heater

–*A bouquet of flowers received by mistake

–*A full roll of toilet paper

–*A smile from a friend, even if that friend is not really interesting or good looking or worthwhile much at all

–*A skateboarder falling on his ass

–*Three extra caps that haven’t been detonated

–*A bouquet of flowers sent by the cable company when their van hit you in traffic

–*The refund of your money for telephone overcharges won on your behalf in a class-action suit you never heard of

–*The intricate designs of obscure vegetation on your dinner plates, which appear to be acanthus, thistle or palm

–*The still air during a cease fire

–*Watching a traffic accident for hours

–*A warm, snuggly displacement bear

–*A smile from a person who is not remotely attractive and who is actually a demonstrable idiot according to specific criteria set by the American Medical Association

–*A hug from your step-daughter Soon-Yi

–*A smile from someone who is clearly just dead

–*A hot, steaming cup of coffee

–*A hot, steaming cup of coffee thrown in the face of your worst enemy

–*Just a tiny dribble of water given to you by the guards in the North Korean prison

–*Permission from Mistress Dominique to go to the bathroom

–*The sight of a man in a Polo shirt not getting what he wants

–*The feeling of accomplishment you feel at a town meeting when you have successfully filibustered, bullied and shouted down affordable health care for everybody

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South Beach Diet Haiku

Sugar, fruit and bread,

Oh, how I long for you. Ugh!

Chicken strips again


The doctor attacked

My glycemic index. I

Din’t know I had one


Cut down my morning

Carbs; no bagels; no berries

Feels like fresh hell, this.


“Your blood sugar goes

Up too fast,” he said. Well how

else would things get done?


No honey, I don’t

Want another damn omelet.

Bitch wants to starve me


Ordering Splenda

In Starbucks for my latte

I feel like some skirt


Hmmmm …. Tofu eggs or

A bullet through the left eye?

A tough choice, this one.


Chocolate makes you

Feel like you’re in love. I feel

Like firing some guns


Low carb diets make

Your breath smell like a little

Man died in your mouth


It’s how the fats break

down, or so they say to me

It’s science I guess


“How about carrots?” “No.

Not until phase two at least.”

“What the F, man! Shit!”


Great! Wow! I can eat

All the string cheese I want ’til

It falls out my ass!


String cheese! Fucking string cheese!

String cheese string cheese! Fuck fuck fuck!

Fuckin’ fuck string cheese!

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