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Archive for August 5th, 2009

According to news reports, some U.S. citizens feel that the new surveys being issued by the U.S. Census Bureau are too invasive and ask questions that violate people’s privacy. What are some of the questions being asked?

–*Do you have a mortgage?

–*Do you have adjustable rate mortgage?

–*Did you flee a house because you couldn’t pay the adjustable rate mortgage?

–*Are you at your sister’s now? Didn’t she predict this would happen?

–*Did you know when you showed up at your sister’s door that she would get that look, the one that says she’s disappointed in you?

–*Wouldn’t you like to smack her when she looks at you like that?

–*Do you own a car?

–*And by that I mean, do you have a car in your possession, even though you have no moral, legal or ethical right to one.

–*Does your penis hang to the left or to the right?

–*Do you have a name for your penis?

–*Is it Shemp?

–*When was the last time you gave somebody a hug?

–*Did it give you a boner?

–*Did it give them a boner?

–*When you arouse the attraction of the opposite sex, are you doing it on purpose, or are you totally innocent of the provocative manner in which you prance about like a tit?

–*Why should we believe you when you wear tops like that?

–*Do you like Brad Pitt?

–*Do you really think he knows who you are or gives a shit about you?

–*Do you see how stupid you’re acting with that obsession of yours, reading about him in People magazine and whatnot?

–*Are you stupid?

–*Are you an invalid?

–*Are you able to bathe yourself?

–*Even that hard to reach spot in the back?

–*If you don’t bathe yourself, who is doing it? How does he touch you? Is he tender? Do you give him time to be tender?

–*Are you ambidextrous or double jointed or limp wristed?

–*How long does it take you to get to work and how easy is it to masturbate in the bathroom there?

–*Can a smile make your day?

–*How about an abortion?

–*Do you eat organic fruit?

–*Why do you bother when someday the sun will envelop the Earth?

–*Have you ever ripped somebody’s arm off and beat him to death with the bloody stump? Would you not have the moral conviction to do so even if it were absolutely necessary? Explain.

–*What have you got against dwarfs? Be honest, now.

–*How have you personally made redress to the American Indian?

–*Is your sense of well-being and self-esteem wounded when you see pictures of Lance Armstrong on a bicycle?

–*If so, how much do you weigh?

–*Would you like some Twizzlers?

–*Would you like them right now?

–*Do you carpool, or do you just think “Fuck the environment”?

–*Have you ever shot yourself in the leg to get out of the Vietnam War or a bad family argument? How’d it work out?

–*Why can’t you say “I love you”?

–*On the other hand, how is it that you get away with saying “I love you” so easily?

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