Beauty is Imperfection

2 CBS
Place Idiotic Military Themed Show Here

4 ABC
Dancing with the Crips

5 NBC
Israel and Palestine decide to settle their differences by seeing who can lose the most weight on “The Biggest Loser”

7 Fox
‘Bones’ Ups the Ante With Extensive 3-D Endoscopic Footage of Foreign Body Retrievals

8 CW
Beauty and the Bed Wetter

20 BET Black Entertainment Television
“Dat Shit’s Da Hype!” A.K.A. “Continuing To Be In Denial That Rap Music Has Not Been Co-Opted Utterly And That It Is No Longer Threatening”

17 The History Channel
Modern Marvels presents cryogenic … oh for Chrissakes, why do you even call it “The History Channel” anymore? Can’t we just stop this charade?

20 E! Entertainment Television
“The Girls Next Door,” Episode 25, An Existential Quandry for Kendra: “If I’m Not Streaking Or Jumping Out of a Cake, Do I Exist Around Here?”

21 VH-1
If I Work Hard Enough, Maybe I Can Give A Blow-Job To The Aging Lead Singer of a Truly Awful ’80s Glam Band (Reality)

46 Lifetime
I Accuse Reba

47 Lifetime Movie
“No Pimp Comes Between Me And the Daughter I Carried In My Womb”

48 FX Network
They say the word “shit” so much on the Glenn Close vehicle “Damages” that they’re really just calling attention to the fact at this point that they still can’t say “fuck.”

49 The Cartoon Network
Adult Swim: “The Truly Gross Embolization of Mickey The Clot.”

50 HBO
“Tell Me You Love Me,” Episode 4, “Did I Just See That Actor’s Testicles?”

51 Spike TV
Fire Good

57 DIY
Do-It-Yourself Baby Control With Your 14-Year-Old Hosts Shayla and Tatty

59 Fox News
Roundtable Discussion: Some People Say Hillary Clinton Would Eat The Meat Of White Babies. We’re Not Saying It’s True. But You Can Make Up Your Own Mind

81 Independent Film Channel
Showing “Total Eclipse” starring Leonardo DiCaprio five times a week fails to make it a better movie.

82 Cinemax
Sex Law Firm

83 Cinemax 2
Sex Granary

84 Cinemax 3
Sex Haberdashery

101 Sundance Channel
How the Amish Will Take Over After the Big Oil Drought Starts

108 CNBC
Mad Money with Jim Cramer: Is Bear Stearns really doing that badly in the credit markets, or is Jim going into seizure? Oh my God! Put a pocket comb in his mouth and turn him on his side!

109 Headline News
Nancy Grace forgets whatever it was that had originally made her feel self-righteous after 40 seconds of shrill, nonsensical invective