Beauty is Imperfection

2 CBS
TV Movie: “Twelve Angry Whites”

4 NBC
America’s Got Autism

5 ABC
A New Vehicle For That Actor Who Was In That Much Better HBO Show

7 Fox
A new reality show from the makers of American Idol: “Who Will Be The Next Great American Band to Sign Over All Their Publishing Rights to Fox?”

9 CW
America’s Next Top Model: This week, the girls must show their poise while interrogating members of Cambodia’s genocidal Khmer Rouge regime and wearing wigs made of salad.

12 Univision
Si, Hombre … Si

13 PBS
Ken Burns Pretty Much Owns This Space Now

18 TNT
We run “Law & Order” reruns so often, that we must start every episode with a disclaimer that Jerry Orbach is no longer alive.

19 HBO
Short Documentary: The Making of Something That’s Not As Good As The Sopranos

20 MTV
Hey, Lard Ass!

21 VH-1
An Interview With a Classic ’60s Rock Star Brought To You By Antipsychotic Drug Thorazine

22 Cinemax
Prohibited Issuings

23 Showtime
The Whiny, Mumbling Pot Dealer

24 E! Entertainment Television
Our Official Countdown of the 20 Most Prevalent Celebrity Diseases and Pathogens

25 Animal Planet
Animal Cops Entrap Gay Panda Ling-Ling in a Minneapolis Airport Bathroom

27 HBO2
The Fantastic Four

28 We
How To Trash Your Wedding Planner’s Name On the Internet

29 Do-It-Yourself
They Don’t Build Brick Shithouses Like They Used To

30 Discovery Health
They Don’t Build Birth Canals Like They Used To

31 Fox News
The John Wayne Gacy Factor

32 Hallmark
Sarah, Tall And Dilated

33 Discovery
Mythbusters use sophisticated fluid mechanics techniques to see if they can knock obstreperous dwarf comedian Chuy into a dunk tank.

34 The Prayer Network
God Gave Me Life

35 Lifetime
Hormone Replacement Therapy Gave Me Life

37 Sundance
Environmental Month Continues With the Documentary, “We Love Our Town Made of Shit”

38 CNN
Larry King and Jenny McCarthy seem to have been talking at cross purposes for 10 minutes and are no longer even having the same discussion. As best I can tell, they’re either talking about Autism Spectrum Disorders or whoopee cushions.

39 Court TV
Forensic Files: The mouse and duct tape blew this case wide open.

40 Spike TV
A Wide and Arbitrary Bunch of Things You Can Slide Around In

42 Food Network
Touch My Leek

(Originally posted Oct. 3, 2007)