Beauty is Imperfection

As reported on Yahoo and elsewhere, new studies show that women prefer feminine-looking men, who they believe will be better long-term partners.

What moral and philosophical imperatives can we take from this? I think only this elegant existential treatise: Suck it, alpha males!

But what are the macho guys out there to do while evolution rides out the clock on them? Could it be

1. Sports! They could play football, maybe. In the street.

2. Drinking! They could enjoy a potent libation at one of your favorite rathskellers. There’s football on the TV!

3. Cuckolding! Yes, they will probably be trying to sleep with the wives of their more stable male friends. They might even succeed, since women do find men with masculine features to be attractive short-term mates. Fine. But the wives will go back to the girly men. It’s science.

4. Humiliating each other! It’s more fun to relate to another guy by pulling his chest hair and Indian wrestling and lighting each other’s farts than understanding the girls and their “girl business.”

5. Invading! I don’t think I have to expound on this one.

6. Body building. A popular bonding lifestyle for alpha males both gay and straight, even if it’s only the gay men who really find it attractive. Come on, have you never picked up on that?

7. Going off in solitude to rough it and pit yourself against the vicissitudes of  cruel nature. Sounds good. Whatever keeps your mind occupied.

8. Watching Spike TV. There’s always something on.

9.  Hunting. She’ll just never get it.

10. Hiding the pain. That’s what macho guys do best. Didn’t you see “Bridges of Madison County?” Oh, right, I guess YOU didn’t.

Actually, I think stories like this are a little bogus. After all, men and women aren’t that simple anymore We live in a different time when sexual roles aren’t so rigidly defined, and when both men and women tend to be happier and better able to grow when each of them finds some balance of traditionally “masculine” and “feminine” traits within themselves, and then finds complementary traits in their partners. I think if Bruce Willises and Vin Diesels  out there are strong enough–dare I say, manly enough–to get in touch with their feminine sides, they’ll do just fine in life. And sometimes, when it’s needed, we can be alpha males, too.

(Originally posted Aug. 9, 2007)