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Posts Tagged ‘Cops’

22 History
Rich Titanic survivor recalls harrowing moment ship ran out of olives.

21 Bravo
“Below Deck”: The audience patiently awaits a mutiny, even if it might take years.

23 PBS
“Frontline”: The complicated ethics of exaggerating the size of some ethical questions.

25 ABC
Battle of the Network Wonks

45 HBO
A tantalizing documentary about an HBO show that may or may not have hired intimacy coordinators. It’s hot-t-t-t-t-t!

72 Bravo
“Finding Your Roots” discovers a lot of old farmers.

89 ESPN
We’re going to keep mixing sports frivolously. Up next: “Pickleball Meets Monster Energy Supercross.”

170 C-SPAN 2
Here’s where you can find out about all the books you might otherwise be reading if you weren’t watching a TV show about books.

32 Nickelodeon
Movie: “Henry Danger Has Lukewarm Date With Dale Prudent.”

82 HGTV
How to upgrade the vestibule the cops have locked you in during a university protest sweep.

96 Tubi
This episode of “Body Fixers” offers extra blood and pus.

98 C-SPAN
South Dakota governor Kristi Noem advocates for “Secretary of Dog Killing” as new cabinet position.

96 Tubi
“Body Fixers” discovers what’s really wrong with your hair extensions: You have borderline personality disorder.

72 Bravo
“Vanderpump Rules” explores the allure of forbidden love but asks how forbidden it really is when everybody knows that it’s going to result in ratings that are very much bidden.

101 CNN
Israel-Palestine: How your extreme thinking on a complicated issue is going to make everything better, according to the people you are taking social cues from at this moment.

86 TBN
Good news! Grace just got a lot more affordable!

86 TBN
As we watch people dissolve into their own solipsistic and bloodthirsty belief systems, we’re reminded that morality is sometimes best left to the professionals at AutoZone.

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–*Setting our kids loose in balloons

–*Lying about setting our kids loose in balloons

–*Swapping our wives, lying about setting our kids loose in balloons

–*Becoming a prostitute (HBO only)

–*Becoming a prostitute but only for Hugh Hefner (E! Entertainment Television)

–*Beating up wife, hoping the crew from the TV show “Cops” shows up

–*Injecting ourselves with fertility drugs, having a shitload of extra babies

–*Injecting ourselves with fertility drugs, having a shitload of extra babies, browbeating passive-aggressive husband in front of TV crew and grocery store customers

–*Injecting ourselves with fertility drugs, having a shitload of extra babies, browbeating passive-aggressive husband, driving him to leave you, fighting a messy divorce in public, suing him, never minding that six of the eight extra babies have turned to street crime, heroin addiction and womanizing to replace the love that you’re not giving them

–*Blackmailing David Letterman

–*Selling diarrhea-making pirogues to tourists at the South Street Seaport for $12 a pop at the behest of Donald Trump

–*Trading off our celebrity of being in Van Halen for a month

–*Being a celebrity with herpes

–*Being a celebrity with herpes who was in Van Halen for a month

–*Giving a celebrity herpes

–*Eating bull penises

–*Growing our hair really big, getting a toxic brown tan, moving to New Jersey and making friends with a lot of horsy voiced bitches

–* … and eating bull penises

–* … and letting our kids fly away in home-made balloons

–*Pretty much sleeping with anyone, eating anything, getting pregnant by anyone, committing any sort of crime or doing just about whatever the producer asks us to do after we’ve signed our rights away in one-sided, exculpatory adhesion contracts.

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