Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Aren’t you lucky, you darlings! Salon de la Guerre’s 35th album is here, and it’s a lot of fun!

The album is called Citizen Wet Smack and it features some hard-rocking tunes such as “Scooter Impossible,” “Fred Jr.,” and “Once Evil, Now Retired.” The songs cover familiar Salon de la Guerre ground, with vignettes of characters you might find in short fiction: small-time criminals, white collar scammers, spoiled rich kids and unethical philosophers.

As of this week, the album is available on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, Pandora, YouTube and Bandcamp, among other streaming services. You can also use my stuff to make TikTok videos, if you’re so inclined. (My old song “Funny Drunk” is evidently popular for that sort of thing.)

About the title: “Wet smack” is an old-timey phrase for “wet blanket” or misfit. I use it a lot in my novels when I can.

The instrumentation on the new album is weird (Salon de la Guerre fans should expect no less by now). I include a lot of original Fender strat guitar performances alongside prefab guitar sounds generated on my iPhone GarageBand. I confess, this app has a hard rock guitar timbre that I quite like, and which I can manipulate in Logic Pro X. I understand that some purists probably shudder at that thought. But as I’ve said before, I’m not a musical purist about anything. I don’t care where songs come from as long as I’ve got an instrument or machine that gives me easy access to my own melodic ideas. Sometimes for this reason I get some snickers about my production quality from friends and critics. On the bright side, I’ve squeezed out a few hundred songs by doing things my way (I’ve got three more albums dropping soon, and my total song count is now just under 500 titles).

I noticed after I submitted my music to a paid review site a few months ago that a good reviewer can spot my influences pretty easily. The critic who wrote about my last album, Even Toy Dogs Get the Blues, thought he could hear some Peter Gabriel in my voice. I accept that view, though I don’t mind stating my influences outright, especially for my latest work. It’s pretty much all Sonic Youth, Joy Division and the Pixies. So there you go!

I’m also responsible for the cover art this time around, since my preferred collaborator has been busy. The plaster bust photos were purchased from a photo wire and taken by someone named Parsadanov.

I will likely do this kind of album again in the future, but the three albums I’ve got coming up are all very different: one’s folk, one’s electronic, one’s classical.

But for now, please enjoy a sample of the new album below, and buy it if you’d like!

  • This life hack is really just hitting a coconut with a hammer.
  • How fear influences our decisions … including our decisions to run away from a hail of bullets.
  • Trump mistook his wife for a hat, and the hats weren’t having it.
  • How to make the financial system collapse with the power of fear.
  • This general put an egg in his beer because he was obviously still half in the bag.
  • This Republican influencer tells you how to be afraid of transgender people if you’re not afraid of them yet.
  • If you concentrate hard enough, certainly you can stop bombs with your mind. If it doesn’t work, you must not want it badly enough.
  • This confessed rapist might have been taken out of context by us on purpose.
  • The National Lead Council says your food doesn’t have enough lead in it.
  • Are you sending death threats over the internet as often as you could be?
  • Are you swatting people as often as you could be?
  • Why did this dog waste his super-poweful sense of smell on your crotch?
  • Well, these kippers are fucked now.
  • U.S. Presidents: Why aren’t they helping you out of this shit-show you got yourself into?
  • This tar paper roof told everyone what her dad did for a living.
  • Married strippers: “So where is the husband in all this?”
  • How this married Trump supporter became a divorced Trump supporter.
  • Artificial intelligence programs: How to know if you are one of them.
Photo of male by SoumenNath.

Salon de la Guerre is very proud to announce that its latest modern classical album, Uncle Ernie’s Progress, is now available for streaming or purchase on all the major music websites, including Amazon, Apple Music, Pandora, Spotify, YouTube, TikTok and Bandcamp. This is my sixth attempt at classical music, and, like other albums in this series, it tells a musical story about the member of an extended family.

I have tried to improve on and embellish previous efforts, and this time added computer sax and marimba parts (after spending a little too much time listening to Frank Zappa’s early ’70s work).

The album was made with two software programs: GarageBand and Logic Pro, and I wrote many of the parts with a scoring tool. I try not to fool my listeners about what I’m personally performing and what the computer is doing, so here’s full disclosure: There are three piano pieces here I have scored and let the computer generate (including “Ernie’s Score,” “Ernie Sells His Steinway” and the bookends to “Ernie’s Goodbye”) and the effect is that of a player piano. But the piano parts elsewhere, including those on “Ernie’s Heart Monitor,” “Half a Heart,” “Half a Stomach” and “Betina’s Gone,” for example, I played directly onto an iPhone keyboard using my own intuitive keyboard playing style. For a self-taught piano player, I can sometimes do impressive things, but I’m not a trained concert pianist, and don’t want anyone to walk off with that impression.

I’ve sometimes tried in the past to use classical music theory terms to describe what I’m doing, but I’ve given that up, and confess that I’m not even sure what key I’m playing in. I have struggled with the idea of learning more music theory in the spirit of curiosity and self-improvement and intellectual rigor, but the fact is that any good artist simply creates first and asks questions later. All I’ll add is that I’d read a bit about Frank Zappa using major second intervals in his chords (in other words, making a chord out of two notes sitting right next to each other instead of separated, an approach that can sound eerie). I tried to mix some of that idea into the new album, but probably stopped pursuing that aim whenever I’d hit on my own new melodic ideas. My whole approach to music is to always learn something new when I’m creating anything and then let inspiration take over from there–or otherwise be guided by a new conceptual idea. (For instance, what would happen if I used microtonal experiments, using tones between the degrees of the scale, to make country music the way Gram Parsons would? Or what if I tuned a guitar with open tunings like Thurston Moore and then played it like Maybelle Carter, tapping out the melody on the bass and scratching the higher strings for the chords to make post-punk country music? If you’re interested in that, you can check out my album Air is a Public Good.)

Unfortunately, this approach also means I keep genre hopping. I have three other albums sitting in various degrees of completion. One is folk, one is electronic dance music and one is alternative rock. Whatever it is, I’m hoping at least one thing I make this year turns you on.

As always, the album was completely composed, arranged and produced by Eric R. Rasmussen. Copyright 2023. Cover photo credit: SoumenNath

Check out a track from Uncle Ernie’s Progress below.

In a few weeks, Salon de la Guerre will release a new album, another electronic symphony. This one is called Uncle Ernie’s Progress, and I’m hoping to release it in January or February. I created the album at my home studio in November and December.

While the project started out with Frank Zappa vibes (it included lots of marimba parts) I soon returned to my favorite classical music instrumental standbys, including GarageBand’s version of an erhu and string arrangements. The album was made on both GarageBand and Logic Pro. Though it’s all instrumental, the album, like my other classical albums, follows the adventures of an extended family. I do this for thematic and dramatic reasons, and also practical ones: The albums with the family titles (with figures in half shadow) are my classical albums. This is the only way I know to keep you from mistaking this stuff for my rock music, aside from changing the name of my act altogether when I’m doing classical works. (Some friends have suggested I get rid of my band name for all projects. Hmph! So I showed them! I even trademarked it! Do not doubt the strength of my wrong-headed convictions, philistines!)

An update! While my original post included a new song from Uncle Ernie’s Progress, I recently came across an article in The New York Times about the ways song pirates were stealing other people’s music and releasing it under their own names. For that reason, I’m going to cut back on offering sneak previews, which would make it easier for thieves to publish my stuff on the major platforms. I’m sorry if you came across a dead link, but I’ve removed all hints of Uncle Ernie’s Progress from Sound Cloud for now.

Cover photo credit: SoumenNath

Nothing To Do

I got no chores
Nothing to wake up for

Nothing on TV nowhere to
Explore
Nothing to wake up for 

Got no thoughts to write
No verse to put forth
Nothing to wake up for

But I had a thought and a mug to drink from
And I’ve got two eyes and legs and thumbs
And I’ve got the memory of you
and know you have a memory too
And that will have to do

I’ve read all the books and watched all the porn
Got nothing to wake up for
I’ve been to Florida and seen some of Rome
Got nothing to wake up for
I’ve made some love and built a home
And now I’ve got to roam it alone

But I have a toothbrush and some food
And a sink
and I still have thoughts to think
And I’ve got an ocean and flowers and vines
The things I put in my head are mine

And so I open my eyes and stare at the floor
That’s something to wake up for

I am extremely proud to announce that Salon de la Guerre’s 33rd album, Even Toy Dogs Get the Blues, has been released today. It can now be found on all the major digital music platforms for streaming or download, including iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, YouTube, Amazon and Bandcamp. (You can also make TikTok videos with Salon de la Guerre music, if you’re so inclined.)

As longtime readers know, Salon de la Guerre is my nom de rock, and I’m responsible for all the writing and playing (though I thank Apple for the useful sample here and there). Most of this album was made on my iPhone and home computer, save for one track with a guitar flip-out.

The album includes a lot of sketches of compulsive characters—spies, smugglers, strip club patrons, scam artists, obsessive dog lovers and Buddhists.

I recorded the album at my home in New York from May to July.

Salon de la Guerre fans take heart. After taking a year off from music, I’ll be returning to the streaming services in a couple of weeks with a new album called Even Toy Dogs Get the Blues.

I largely stopped writing music in 2022 because I’d been neglecting my fiction; also, I suffered musical equipment failure and, most important, nobody is knocking down my door for new material. But after completing the first draft of a new novel around March (a sequel to my book Zip Monkey) I opened up my iPhone’s GarageBand app to make sure the virtual piano keyboard was working properly (after I dropped the phone). Pretty soon, I was accidentally writing new music. Yes, it’s that simple.

I’m tempted to use horrific cliches like “back to basics” with this album. Since upgrading my technology two years ago, I hadn’t made a rock album on GarageBand for a long while. In 2021, I fell in love with my new Logic Pro software and started writing songs in musical notation for the first time. I got five new albums out of that program and then belatedly discovered that it also did wonders in brightening my guitar sound.

And yet …

It’s just too damn fun to sit around the house with my phone making up melodies on cool prefab instruments. I can do it at the gym too. Or on a train. Or in a boat with a goat. And there are advantages to going the lo-fi route: I keep the songs from getting too filigreed and overproduced and strangling the life out of them. If there’s a guiding philosophy behind Salon de la Guerre, it’s that music can come from anywhere. Sometimes I like playing it on a guitar, and sometimes I just like tapping it out video-game style on my app.

I did throw in a new wrinkle, by using jazzier piano chords this time around to go with the loud guitars. It was not my plan, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the music came out kind of Steely Dan-ish in places. (Steely Danish?)

I’ll also humble brag a bit that this album probably demonstrates my strongest singing ever. I’m a writer by trade, not a vocalist, but I’ve had to learn to interpret my own material because I don’t have the time or money to start a band and hire singers. Over the years, I’ve become less self-conscious about my singing voice. It has a quality and I feel better about it every time I ship out new work.

The new album is a mix of the fun, sad, weird, ominous, propulsive, perverse and literate. In other words, quintessential Salon de la Guerre.

I’ll be releasing it in the next week or so, but until then, here’s a teaser–a jokey take on pickup lines:

The Waste Ferry

Sights of minnow, despair
Fish dream to nonaction
The rudderless course of a ship
Its hull beating against a manless dock

Upended cups on bollards
Cranky pier beams
And glinty eyed gulls
Are harbinger of somebody’s breakfast

Mere muff grazers
Spill onto the dock
Warning of a fatuous Sunday
Afternoon
When the boat will be full
But not full of anybody
Willing to say what needs to be said

One thought is embarrassed to death
In a throat
Because the men want what they want
And you will have what you have

Late in the day
Jackson lost on the beam
One thought parts
Into milk and cream

Your eyes too full of pain and fear
You couldn’t tell me the truth right then
Not about anything
Not right here

Siesta

The farmers move inland,
Brushing their scythes
away forever from the cool crests of wheat

Before siesta

When old men and little boys
alike
Come to sleep in a chain
of hands

Here they rest in rough dirt
made soft
By the bodies of young girls

Here they float over cankers in the Earth
Old salt furrows that can no longer
be farmed

Holes with no sympathy

Slumber is not measured here
in pounds
But in inches:

Rain hurts the mud wall
Unleashes dirt from the grooves
While a yeast goes to work on its millet

Otherwise, the whole world
is asleep
or dying

Across the handle of a rake

–1994

Life On Mars

Curses spilled from her mouth
And milk leaked into the shirt
The baby biting hard
at new blood
And macrophages
Baby still colostrum-laughing
Licking poems off her pages

A poem of milk
Is to be consumed by whomever needs it
And blood is fed
Brain, stomach and heart
The whole water bed

And even light can cut
And conjugate
Talk soft to
The Earth that was its mate

And even life on Mars
In tiny yurts and huts
Can’t lose the link to Earth
Still stirring in our guts