–*Parade notes that hot girl in photo also dead.
–*Sylvia Plath is done with black shoes this spring.
–*This alien inhabited a man with massive credit card debt, instantly regretted it.
–*Why you’re being possessed by the devil all wrong.
–*This fruit salad hack will have you mainly just sitting eating a melon.
–*This new AI wastes time for you.
–*New AI replaces Great Replacement Theory theorist.
–*Why Hollywood won’t hire Walter Matthau anymore.
–*This 12-stepper made amends about past bad behavior. “Gee, that sounded a lot like bragging to me,” said friend.
–*“I thought we all agreed we were telling Grandma this was a spa.”
–*Bet you wish you knew where that phone charger went.
–*American hubris destroyed by recent discovery of strained piriformis muscle.
–*Americans have microplastics on the brain.
–*Why our dick jokes sound less funny when we’re explaining them to Human Resources.
–*“I’ll never do that again,” becomes biggest American catchphrase of 2026
–*“You act like I don’t exist,” complains leprechaun in today’s op-ed.
–*You won’t be surprised at all at what happened when we put three control freaks together in a small storage closet
–*“Say it louder!” Man shamed by pundits for mumbling his marriage proposal on Disney tram
–*“It’s a subacute unit, not a champagne room.” America’s elderly physical rehab suite roommates are not keeping quiet any longer.
–*Man apologizes to daughter for years of bad behavior that he mainly acted out in an unpublished novel. “I don’t remember that happening, Dad.”
–*American asexuals cannot think of any policy initiatives they want to pursue at this time.
–*American moms say you’re not going to find a parking spot any closer than that one. “We could use the walk anyway.”
–*New age of gender fluidity and shifting of sexual identity categories causes grave anxiety among aging transvestites.
–*With everything going on right now … and you suggest a Hawaiian pizza?
–*Why that car in your driveway can tip people off to your net worth and that picture of you with a dead deer can tip people off to your party affiliation.
–*Why three lines about what the Cindy Brady actress is doing today will like suffice for most of us.
–*Child existentialist rolls rock up hill over and over.
–*”All of us will be hated after we’re dead anyway.” A Trump voter waxes philosophical amid Iran bombing.
Beauty is Imperfection 