–*Woman who was kidnapped at age 5 now has her own hostage.
–*You’ll never believe where we bought these chives.
–*You’ll never believe who just recently died. And this attached photo of George Clooney means, really, you shouldn’t believe people like us when we tell you who recently died.
–*You’ll never believe it, but this carrot carved up to look like Donald Trump was once just a regular carrot.
–*These five women used to be so much older then, but they are younger than that now.
–*You should take this man’s investment advice because there is no way he was convicted of wire fraud in 2003.
–*You won’t believe who committed wire fraud, and this attached photo of George Clooney proves that you shouldn’t believe us when we tell you who committed wire fraud.
–*The shocking story behind the banality of evil.
–*Come here. There’s candy in my car.
–*Why you don’t see Shelley Winters in movies anymore.
–*Five women who surprisingly decided to be sexually harassed.
–*Being chased around the room by a naked screaming baby is pretty funny unless the baby is 6 feet tall and runs Miramax.
–*This prisoner bet he could eat 50 eggs.
–*This prisoner told his cellmate, “Nobody can eat 50 eggs!”
–*This prisoner added he could eat 50 eggs in an hour.
–*Twelve cadavers who surprisingly bared all.
–*Idiot Breitbart reader was also an idiot child.
–*Which of these former ‘Survivor’ contestants have gone feral?
–*Ten reasons Squeaky Fromme is not as lovable as she seems.
–*The 10 people at this party whom your use of irony was lost upon.
–*People who got mad and clicked this when we said the Eagles weren’t any good.
–*People who got mad and clicked this when we said Joanna Newsom wasn’t any good.
–*There’s a monster at the end of this book!
–*12 Hollywood sex scandals that ended in everyone dying and being forgotten after 80 years.
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