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Posts Tagged ‘Internet’

–*This Mary Tyler Moore hack will help you take a nothing day and make it all seem worthwhile

–*Say goodbye to moldy broads.

–*Sorry, we meant to say moldy boards … cutting boards

–*This Christian OnlyFans model used to be naked AF.

–*“Bitcoin will change your life!” says this guy who now heads a kidnapping ring.

–*To be clear, I don’t own any crypto, says the author of this blog.

–*Your credentials. Why do you care if I have them for a few minutes?

–*This reformed criminal really gets off on telling you how bad he used to be.

–*This reformed porn star is … oops, never mind; she just went back into the business for the third time.

–*This small town theater production of Romeo and Juliet will have you snickering, “It is the East, and Juliet is 41.”

–*This super cool MTA app will let you verify that your train is not fucking coming anytime soon.

–*If we tell you to sniff this app, you will probably sniff it.

–*This nuclear fission cleanse will suck the atoms right out of your face.

–*Are you really calling the person you think you’re calling? Take this Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

–*It’s kind of like a game, Grandpa!

–*This AI algorithm might flatter you a little, but will it let you back in the air lock?

–*Has your mom been replaced by a robot? Take the schizophrenia quiz.

–*This tradwife hopes you’ll be impressed watching her make bread and also shove a rusty spike up her ass.

–*You won’t believe what this beloved TV star from the ’70s looks like today, especially when you realize he died 12 years ago.

–*This AI brings William Holden back to life and he wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

–*Why you’re not thinking through all the things you could be doing with Miracle Whip right now.

–*Your Mom: Have you blamed her enough for your Dad being a piece of shit?

–*Experts say a tall glass of lemonade would sure feel good right now.

–*Jogging in the snow: What are you, stupid?

–*”That guy would have a pissing match with a camel” is one of those insults that just don’t land, Joey.

–*”That guy’s mom is like a camel. Two humps is all you want.” See, that works much better.

–*Bullies: Why haven’t you worked harder to make them like you?

–*This former celebrity now has a regular job like you. And how contemptible is that?

–*Rob Reiner: No, you didn’t deserve him.

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–*This Ryan Reynolds look-alike has people doubting their own sanity.

–*This bog body was obviously not having a good time 8,000 years ago.

–*You’re being attracted to Sydney Sweeney all wrong.

–*Are you really into Pre-Raphaelite art or just into crazy chicks? Take this quiz.

–*Will anything stop Timothée Chalamet? What about his being chained to this radiator?

–*How this brain-eating amoeba learned to relax.

–*How your inability to do long division is making you feel safer in these Red States.

–*That song you’re enjoying right now … have you thought about whether it’s less perfect than “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys?

–*Nation‘s pigeons want to know: Are you going to drop that bread?

–*Customer service representative confidently refers you back to the number you already dialed.

–*This devastated chef used to be a devastated cook.

–*And just like that, “Sex and the City” removed all the jokes from the scripts.

–*Children of alcoholics confess: A few of the years were fun.

–*The NSA admits the nation’s paranoids are getting too boring to eavesdrop on.

–*We threw random punches at people, and if you know anything about mammals, their reactions will not surprise you.

–*Don’t let sinkholes get you down.

–*This fast food disruptor offers hamburger solutions.

–*Last bit of imagination this Ohio man boasted could’ve been used on climate solutions, but he wrote a dragon screenplay.

–*Last bit of imagination this New York man boasted could’ve been used on climate solutions, but he wrote a comedy listicle.

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–*Everyone forgets that these celebrity couples were once just zygotes.

–*There was a candy bar in this picture a minute ago. Who took it?

–*Why Hollywood won’t hire William Holden anymore.

–*Could writing a check on somebody’s back be the new TikTok dance craze?

–*This hot stock tip has the SEC waiting to arrest you for this hot stock tip.

–*Click here for a dopamine rush!

–*Could sexual intercourse be the new day trading?

–*What happens at the end of this colonoscopy is not dinner conversation, damn it!

–*This can of Fanta sitting by itself is just awkward!

–*This anti-vaxxer comedian made that famous joke thief look not so bad in hindsight.

–*This Kanye West made that Taylor Swift look not so bad in hindsight.

–*She gave up everything for a blood test device that didn’t work.

–*This hack will allow you to read the work of journalists for free by using the internet.

–*This hack will allow you to hear the work of musicians for free by using the internet.

–*Who is Lionel Barrymore dating 95 years ago?

–This Grecian urn hack will have you saying that truth is beauty and beauty truth.

–*This tomato bisque … um, awkward!

–*She wore a tiered skirt over jeans. Next thing you know, we were at war.

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–*You’ll never guess how this kitten lost all his money.

–*Everyone but you is wearing their phones on the sides of their heads.

–*What Marie Osmond’s teeth look like today is insane!

–*This woman put what in where?

–*You didn’t love possums, so look what they did to your house.

–*See what happened when this man tried to take a bath in bitcoins.

–*This guy had a drill and you know exactly what happened to his hand.

–*This guy had a gun and you know exactly what happened to everyone around him.

–*This man used an anti-pirate slur. Look what the pirates did to him.

–*Ewwww! A pile of greasy pennies!

–*This actress stepped away at the height of her career and that’s why her name is completely baffling to you.

–*We kept asking this 93-year-old woman if sex is really over for her.

–*Could this headline launch a “stuff the doorknob in your mouth” challenge?

–*This man tried to own Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. It backfired.

–*Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got into a car. It backfired.

–*This guy lives in a state with lots of gun owners. He hopes what he just heard was car backfire.

–*After this cleanse, your body will collapse into a heap of skin.

–*Travelectomy says your appendix will most likely explode in these cities.

–*I’m going to win the lottery, said this statistical illiterate.

–*You won’t get pregnant if I pull out on time said this statistical illiterate.

–*New York is a crime ridden sewer, say these statistical illiterates.

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–*A special function that allows you to send dirty messages to prison inmates.

–*A special function that allows you to conk your congressman over the head if he supports health care reform legislation.

–*A special interface that allows everybody following Ashton Kutcher on Twitter to give him an electrical shock about one-tenth the intensity of the TASER.

–*A special function that incorporates a camera, voice-to-text translation, digital signatures, phone book, keyboard, microphone and e-mail so that you can speak to that cute girl across the room.

–*Virtual sugar.

–*”The Style Guide,” a Twitter-type interface that allows 20,000 people to instantly text you and tell you that the shirt you’re wearing makes you look gay.

–*The “Pedophile Filter,” making sure that you’re only chatting with real 11-year-olds.

–*Virtual blindness. An app you JUST CAN’T SEE!!

–*An application that sends you straight to the online advertisements you love, such as the girl who dances about her new subprime mortgage.

–*The subprime mortgage finder.

–*”Sheepfuckers Only, VIP”

–*A function that allows a million people to tell you instantly that you’re acting like a douchebag, Dick Cheney.

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