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Posts Tagged ‘family’

–*This Mary Tyler Moore hack will help you take a nothing day and make it all seem worthwhile

–*Say goodbye to moldy broads.

–*Sorry, we meant to say moldy boards … cutting boards

–*This Christian OnlyFans model used to be naked AF.

–*“Bitcoin will change your life!” says this guy who now heads a kidnapping ring.

–*To be clear, I don’t own any crypto, says the author of this blog.

–*Your credentials. Why do you care if I have them for a few minutes?

–*This reformed criminal really gets off on telling you how bad he used to be.

–*This reformed porn star is … oops, never mind; she just went back into the business for the third time.

–*This small town theater production of Romeo and Juliet will have you snickering, “It is the East, and Juliet is 41.”

–*This super cool MTA app will let you verify that your train is not fucking coming anytime soon.

–*If we tell you to sniff this app, you will probably sniff it.

–*This nuclear fission cleanse will suck the atoms right out of your face.

–*Are you really calling the person you think you’re calling? Take this Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

–*It’s kind of like a game, Grandpa!

–*This AI algorithm might flatter you a little, but will it let you back in the air lock?

–*Has your mom been replaced by a robot? Take the schizophrenia quiz.

–*This tradwife hopes you’ll be impressed watching her make bread and also shove a rusty spike up her ass.

–*You won’t believe what this beloved TV star from the ’70s looks like today, especially when you realize he died 12 years ago.

–*This AI brings William Holden back to life and he wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

–*Why you’re not thinking through all the things you could be doing with Miracle Whip right now.

–*Your Mom: Have you blamed her enough for your Dad being a piece of shit?

–*Experts say a tall glass of lemonade would sure feel good right now.

–*Jogging in the snow: What are you, stupid?

–*”That guy would have a pissing match with a camel” is one of those insults that just don’t land, Joey.

–*”That guy’s mom is like a camel. Two humps is all you want.” See, that works much better.

–*Bullies: Why haven’t you worked harder to make them like you?

–*This former celebrity now has a regular job like you. And how contemptible is that?

–*Rob Reiner: No, you didn’t deserve him.

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  • Why if you pick the wrong gutter leaf cleaning service, you’ll be damned forever to hell.
  • Why the Pillsbury Doughboy’s political awakening was as creepy and unexpected as it was timely.
  • This TikTok influencer angrily spoke in tongues about a discontinued Dairy Queen item, and we all understood.
  • This once-rageful alpha male comes clean about his hemorrhoid journey.
  • This tradwife was cleaning the toilet like a rock star.
  • Who’s making dinner tonight? Fuck you if you think it’s me.
  • This peaceful city was turned into a war zone in the minds of rural people stealing anhydrous ammonia.
  • Why Hollywood won’t hire Brittany Murphy anymore.
  • This woman who looked up “perineum flowers” was understandably shocked by her findings.
  • Why are so many people’s last words so meh?
  • Study finds biggest hatred shared by recent immigrants: Even more recent immigrants.
  • Why this video of a fawn stumbling awkwardly through the rainy forest surprisingly hasn’t been politicized yet.
  • Free thinker who doubts usefulness of mRNA research is also that guy who disappeared around your sophomore year to “go work with my dad.”
  • Why what happened at school today is none of your business, Mom.
  • Why this Tucson man is worried about you being so young and pretty and alone.
  • Why researchers think the male loneliness epidemic and the male horniness epidemic might be related.
  • Dad’s not doing so well says not-blind daughter.
  • Why these seven appetizers will make you give up on the idea of going back to college.
  • Why Nicole Kidman’s personal turmoil is absolutely yours to delectate in, according to an op-ed writer at Cigar Aficionado magazine.
  • Why this TikTok stitch had to be finished with World War II aerial stock footage after a twisted ankle incident.
  • “It’s not like this marriage started with cartoon animals dressing a happy bride,” and other noted divorce attorney quips.
  • This for-sale house wasn’t haunted by a ghost, per se. But its drywall was indeed ruined by the cigarette-smoking previous owner.
  • Your friend Peter’s racist dad has a lot to say about sluts, too.
  • When does encouraging elderly people to say exactly what’s on their minds become a form of elder abuse? We ask because Peter’s dad is still talking and Peter’s obviously getting a sick thrill from showing him off.
  • This big floppy sandwich wasn’t about to take a TikTok exercise influencer’s bullshit.
  • You’ll never believe what the National Center for Integrative Cleanses said about this detox … because no such center exists. Made you look, asshole!

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A new study from a prominent journal by an expert of some kind was not paid attention to today because a voice in your head you have not identified as your father’s told you not to believe it.

The study concerned an important matter possibly relating to public health, economics or political strife but was not received due to the insistent reflex inspired by a husky Dad voice buried deep in the cerebral cortex warning you that it was not content he would approve of. This triggering voice first entered your sub-conscious brain when you were a child and continues to influence executive cerebral and limbic systems of your body (as well as the house-cleaning functions performed by your digestive system) and thus will not allow you to receive this important breaking news on a topic of critical importance.

The study was full of useful statistics and percentages that might help you adapt and make contingencies for emergencies, as well as anecdotal evidence relating to something that might affect your financial status or one or two ways you might not use a hammer, but its salient points were masked to you by the persistent social conditioning you received by a certain grey eminence whose early rules set down as an exchange for simple nourishment were indispensable for a helpless young homo sapiens facing a hostile world of animals. This conditioning severely affected your ability to assimilate new information, mainly because of the gruff, stern tone of the hunter gatherer, as well as implied and now subconscious threats that a challenge to him meant risking the loss of family members and peers and their body warmth—things at the time critically important to a child’s survival and well-being.

“We are definitely headed for trouble,” said a credentialed and educated person whose face you could barely be brought to look at as he or she offered countervailing information that challenged the prevailing norms, value systems, semiotics and archetypes laid down in your neural pathways by the patriarchal strongman and lawgiver whom you still in moments of stress and discomfort call “Daddy.” The story mentions several things you could do to address the critical issues raised by this news story, which might have been about gold prices or the flammable liquid in your house but whose message conflicted with your father’s opinions and threatened to upend the folkways and learned behavior that are now an immutable part of your psychological profile—offering you your ego, your identity and cultural belonging and likely your entire concept of self, a sense of belonging your brain feels is vitally necessary on this tiny planet totally alone in the universe and vulnerable to expanding stars, asteroids and heat death. As the spirit of your father says, there is a heavy price to pay by questioning tribe loyalty and listening to the plea of an outsider that you listen to him about this important topic which might be about lead toy paint or STDs or municipal bonds or global warming but which is not, unfortunately, powerful enough to get through your impressively large Dad-filter or appeal to your brain’s otherwise rugged and impressive neuroplastic cells.

“The time to act is now,” said a person of authority, perhaps a politician or priest or business leader, “but there is only so much time we have before it will be impossible to act on this [issue your dad has already made up his mind about] whose dire consequences cannot be minimized, unless it is by the comforting and unrelenting voice that gave you the gift of fear when you were still learning to crawl, the voice whose dissent against which offers perilous pitfalls, sickness and likely a hideous and prolonged death.

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A Happy Day

It is a happy day, because my beautiful new niece Scarlett was born in Oklahoma. My family has grown a lot this year, and every new person creates a new viewpoint, a new foundation in our spiritual framework (whatever spiritual means to you). I hope to know her well, even though I live so far away, and share as much happiness with her as I have with her brother and sister. I hope to influence her life in some meaningful way, because I know she will also grow up and influence me. Welcome, Scarlett! Whoever you are, whatever you are, whatever you do, you are loved.

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