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Archive for the ‘Will Smith, Seth Rogen, Rasmussen Reports, Amazon, Chris Rock, crypto, dogsled’ Category

  • She was a massive star. Then she vanished when we stopped paying attention to her.
  • These clouds are certainly taking their time to piss rain, says self appointed park weatherman.
  • This woman was tired of waiting on the Holy Spirit and is now just abusing the maintenance staff.
  • Scott Baio seeking new state to be unemployed actor in.
  • We just diarrheaed ourselves over Sydney Sweeney’s glam body hugger Miu Miu dress.
  • This Ukrainian drone was the worst gender reveal party ever.
  • Scientists now agree: weed makes you mellower, stinkier.
  • Why Hollywood won’t cast Jack Lemmon anymore.
  • ChatGPT called Prince Harry’s ghostwriter a slow punk ass bitch.
  • This sexy banker was a “10,” but his above-junk mismatches and overexposure to longer duration made him a “3” when everything tightened.
  • This kid swallowed a bitcoin and shat nothing.
  • These woke teens slept late and missed the first half of the movie. “Sonny Corleone was killed for nothing.”
  • “This show won’t be on Netflix soon because nobody has cast, produced or funded it,” says angry screenwriter.
  • Gee, this interview with a 90-year-old veteran turned racist pretty fast.
  • Florida vows to sell its sinkholes only to American citizens.
  • Teen describes mom’s attempt to reach out to him: “Do you believe that cold-blooded bitch?”
  • Senator describes Kyrsten Sinema’s attempts to ask him about his weekend: “Do you believe that cold-blooded bitch?”
  • Jennifer Aniston went grocery shopping, and Twitter users were not impressed. “Tone deaf AF.”
  • When this lawyer said she only dates lumberjacks, who’d have known she wasn’t fucking around?
  • Uh-oh! That’s a lot of dairy, right there.
  • You can’t deny that this woman sitting on a bus reading a Carl Hiaasen book is iconic.
  • You won’t believe what happened to this sexy bombshell’s clothes unless you book Iceland tickets now.
  • You’ll never guess what most people believed last Friday.
  • These fast-breeding Gen Z slang words are clutch snipperz.
  • Mob justice: if it were ice cream, why the kids would be eating it every day.
  • This see-through dress worn by Elizabeth Olsen had fans remembering that it’s important to spay and neuter their cats.
  • This guy insisted that he saw Captain Kirk over there, but his friend wasn’t having it.
  • Lady Macbeth shouted at the damn spot but Twitter wasn’t having it. “OK, Boomer. Put ice on it.”
  • The fact of inevitable death sucks, but reminding other people they’re going to die makes it a little easier.
  • Is Twitter OK with us announcing this bake sale Friday?

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  • They shared erotic pictures of themselves on an Indonesian chat site. The court’s verdict: sexy!
  • This $2 bill was sitting at the bottom of his sock drawer like a $3 diamond.
  • We’ll never know what the dinosaurs thought of fast food.
  • This blogger said that his child’s painting should be worth $2 million at least. Just look at those colors!
  • Watch this adorable lion cub tussle and tumble with his brothers and try to understand that they are learning to murder.
  • This car wash hack was completely useless to this pedestrian.
  • This Amazon Go store never opened but you can still imagine it in the empty space Amazon left for you to stare at.
  • Kick your online privacy up a notch by faking your own death.
  • This dogsledder did himself no favors when he told the world he was actually a cat person.
  • It’s now more important than ever to have a poker face at the company Christmas party.
  • This couple is sad and disgusted by their totally avoidable 30-year age difference.
  • This urban designer is already thinking a million years ahead to when we’re all being engulfed by karst sinkholes.
  • This newborn doesn’t forgive lightly for you pushing them out of your womb.
  • These old videos surfaced of people sexualizing Seth Rogen in 2022, and needless to say … it was awkward!
  • Bra. Lamp. Fire. It’s all rogue!
  • This Black columnist is the only one who can beat up on a Black entertainer. Everyone else doing it is racist.
  • Not Pretty: These strippers are getting pretty lewd when talking about their healthcare plan deductibles.
  • This plumber shrugged and said, “You should have used copper.”
  • This gun killed everybody but the intruder because physics.
  • This Rasmussen Reports (no relation) innocently asked if it was OK to be white then snuck out the door after starting millions of unnecessary arguments which Rasmussen Reports had no way of knowing would happen because it insists it was just asking a normal, scientific question that many white supremacists would ask.
  • She opened the present and it was Anna, not Elsa. What happened next surprised no one.
  • You won’t be surprised at what this guy who bought pizza with crypto eight years ago more recently did with his firearm.
  • We celebrated the one year anniversary of Will Smith finding a novel solution to the problem of being universally liked.

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