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Archive for December, 2025

–*This Mary Tyler Moore hack will help you take a nothing day and make it all seem worthwhile

–*Say goodbye to moldy broads.

–*Sorry, we meant to say moldy boards … cutting boards

–*This Christian OnlyFans model used to be naked AF.

–*“Bitcoin will change your life!” says this guy who now heads a kidnapping ring.

–*To be clear, I don’t own any crypto, says the author of this blog.

–*Your credentials. Why do you care if I have them for a few minutes?

–*This reformed criminal really gets off on telling you how bad he used to be.

–*This reformed porn star is … oops, never mind; she just went back into the business for the third time.

–*This small town theater production of Romeo and Juliet will have you snickering, “It is the East, and Juliet is 41.”

–*This super cool MTA app will let you verify that your train is not fucking coming anytime soon.

–*If we tell you to sniff this app, you will probably sniff it.

–*This nuclear fission cleanse will suck the atoms right out of your face.

–*Are you really calling the person you think you’re calling? Take this Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

–*It’s kind of like a game, Grandpa!

–*This AI algorithm might flatter you a little, but will it let you back in the air lock?

–*Has your mom been replaced by a robot? Take the schizophrenia quiz.

–*This tradwife hopes you’ll be impressed watching her make bread and also shove a rusty spike up her ass.

–*You won’t believe what this beloved TV star from the ’70s looks like today, especially when you realize he died 12 years ago.

–*This AI brings William Holden back to life and he wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

–*Why you’re not thinking through all the things you could be doing with Miracle Whip right now.

–*Your Mom: Have you blamed her enough for your Dad being a piece of shit?

–*Experts say a tall glass of lemonade would sure feel good right now.

–*Jogging in the snow: What are you, stupid?

–*”That guy would have a pissing match with a camel” is one of those insults that just don’t land, Joey.

–*”That guy’s mom is like a camel. Two humps is all you want.” See, that works much better.

–*Bullies: Why haven’t you worked harder to make them like you?

–*This former celebrity now has a regular job like you. And how contemptible is that?

–*Rob Reiner: No, you didn’t deserve him.

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Salon de la Guerre is releasing a couple of albums this month. One is a set of rock and pop pieces, but I’ve also got a new collection of piano songs I’ve been working on for the past few months. Half of these are sung songs in the conventional singer-songwriter vein, while five of the songs are classical-music-inspired improvisations. This new album, Everything’s Fine, hits the streams today and you can find it on Apple Music, Amazon, Pandora, YouTube, Bandcamp and Spotify.

I have to apologize for the sound quality on a couple of the songs. As I’ve explained before in other posts, I’m not a trained piano player, and my improvisations are not the kind of things I can easily repeat. When I sit down at the keyboard, I often don’t know whether I’m going to make something wonderful or a piece of dreck, and yet I roll tape anyway and hope for nice surprises. However, that strategy came back to bite me a couple of times this year, especially when I recorded two songs I quite liked while I was also suffering from a raging flu. After I played back these pieces I found that 1) I was extremely proud of what I’d made and 2) you could here sniffing and snorting all over the place. Ugh.

I turned to my software—Goldwave and Logic Pro—to try to get rid of the respiratory background sound effects, and while I succeeded, the sound of these songs got quite muffled. I took a gamble that the nuances and emotion behind the playing would be enough to win my tiny audience over anyway.

I should also note that I while I try not to be treacly or sentimental in my music, a lot of these songs came out on the sad side. Perhaps it’s appropriate since I’ve had some sad news over the last week and perhaps want to wear my heart on my sleeve a little. But I’m hoping to cure the blues when I release a more upbeat album next week called Carnival (which I discussed a few days ago).

I’m including lyrics to the title track of my new album, which is now available on all the major streaming services in digital format only. All the songs were composed and performed this year. Enjoy.

Everything’s Fine
(music and lyrics by Eric R. Rasmussen, copyright 2025)

Everything’s fine
Though the bar is on fire
And the dogs are lapping wine
Everything’s fine

Though the fish they swim in trees
And the whales are in the vines
Everything’s fine

We drink from a hose
And a quack he broke our nose
To look better in the spoon
To make new lovers swoon
But this face is no longer mine
Everything’s fine

Just like somebody’s loss
Is somebody’s gain
I’ll keep my emotions in line
Everything’s fine

A new nose out of reach
And now so is the beach
And we cannot swim there in time
Everything’s fine

You changed your phone number
And now I wait for slumber
In vain on the edge of a dime
Everything’s fine

Your last message was meek
But your morals they were weak
So you packed them up and left them all behind
Everything’s fine

Like a bar that’s on fire
A squirrel fried on a wire
And the vultures are waiting all in line
Everything’s fine

Just like somebody’s loss
Is somebody’s gain
I’ll keep my emotions in line
Everything’s fine

A new nose out of reach
And now so is the beach
And we cannot swim there in time
Everything’s fine



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I lost a longtime friend this week. He was the first person to see me drunk. He was also the person who encouraged me to start this blog.

We didn’t agree on many things in our later years, which was very sad, but we forged our young adult identities alongside each other and we stood up for each other as young people … when there were real things at stake. And that can’t be taken away. Those memories can’t be erased. He was also warm and open-hearted when he didn’t have to be. That I’ll also remember.

You can read about John Evan Thomas here.

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A few years ago I was telling a friend after I’d finished an album that I thought I was a pretty good timekeeper.

Without missing a beat, he said: “No you aren’t.” (Thanks, Jason, for keeping me honest!)

If you are a Salon de la Guerre fan (a rare breed) you have likely sensed something critical about my music. Not something missing, necessarily, but a certain sound quality that has characterized my (almost 600!) songs. You are right, and I won’t make you guess: I have never, ever used a real drum set. No real drummer has ever graced a Salon de la Guerre song. Every beat you hear has been patched, drum-machined, looped, fabricated and preconceived by robots. I have found a way many times to work in real instruments (including acoustic and electric guitars, pianos, banjos, lap steel guitars and saxophones). But never a real drum kit.

That is, until this year, when I completed an album called Carnival, coming to a streaming service near you soon.

But let me back up.

How can a rock ’n’ roll fan like me have gone so long without real drums? Well, it’s not because I don’t like them. The answer is one of pure practicality: I live in New York City with my family in an apartment that won’t accommodate an extra room for a drum kit. Even if I did have an extra room, I couldn’t play drums here without bringing down the wrath of neighbors (or my long-suffering wife).

Practical point No. 2: I don’t have a band. As I’ve said before, Salon de la Guerre is largely a one-man project. While that has disadvantages (band dynamics do often make music better), it has also allowed me to release a lot of music at a quick pace because my software lets me to churn it out constantly … so my listeners get to drink from the fire hose.

Since I’m limited only by my imagination, since I’m allowed to be ridiculously productive and since I’m (usually) proud of the work, I’ve never let the drum issue bother me too much. However, I’ve always imagined there’s some audiophile out there who hates computer sounds and might well hate my work for all its computery qualities. That’s bugged me enough that I occasionally have wondered as I’ve passed a drum kit in a store or at someone’s house: “Why not just sit in someone else’s drum kit for a bit and make my own loops?”

Then I had an “Oh, duh!” moment. My son recently started going to a performing arts high school, and during the open houses, the kids told me what I didn’t already know: There are drum rooms all over New York City where I could have been doing this shit all along for a very modest fee, putting real drum parts into my laptop.

Derp!

So with that new knowledge, I booked rooms at Rivington Music Rehearsal Studios this fall. And now Salon de la Guerre is about to release an album where you actually get to hear me play drums for the first time.

Now back to my friend Jason’s point: Drumming is a real talent. It’s not just about doing rolls, flams or other magic tricks. You actually have to count and keep a tempo. My talent at this is suspect (you have all my respect, you real drummers). So most of the songs on my newest album, Carnival, actually mix the real drum beats with the computer loops so that I didn’t lose the time.

Is that cheating? Maybe. Do I care? No. Again, the point was to increase the dimensions of the sound. Having computer and analog sounds together has always been part of my aesthetic, and the contrasts it creates cut deep into the heart of how I see art in general: Art mostly is about contrasts, first and foremost. Forget messages. Forget theory. Forget shiny objects. Contrast (antithesis) is where all the compelling stuff usually is, whether it’s in music, painting or novels.

If your art is about one color white clashing with a lighter shade of white, you and I are likely on the same page. So a computer drum contrasting with a real drum is automatically interesting to me.

Having said that, I did go out on a limb on two or three songs and build the beat in my own wobbly time without a backing drum loop, click track or metronome. Real producers will probably be able to tell which ones, but I still think the music in those cases came out exciting. I might do that again in the future.

I recently submitted Carnival for distribution and hope it will be available on streaming services in the next couple of weeks (or maybe the beginning of next year, since my preferred distributor, CD Baby, has gotten a bit slow lately). I’ll discuss the album more when it’s released.

But look for it. And enjoy some real drums, if that’s your thing.

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