What Clickbait Headlines Are We Reading, May 9, 2023?
May 9, 2023 by Eric Rasmussen
- She was a massive star. Then she vanished when we stopped paying attention to her.
- These clouds are certainly taking their time to piss rain, says self appointed park weatherman.
- This woman was tired of waiting on the Holy Spirit and is now just abusing the maintenance staff.
- Scott Baio seeking new state to be unemployed actor in.
- We just diarrheaed ourselves over Sydney Sweeney’s glam body hugger Miu Miu dress.
- This Ukrainian drone was the worst gender reveal party ever.
- Scientists now agree: weed makes you mellower, stinkier.
- Why Hollywood won’t cast Jack Lemmon anymore.
- ChatGPT called Prince Harry’s ghostwriter a slow punk ass bitch.
- This sexy banker was a “10,” but his above-junk mismatches and overexposure to longer duration made him a “3” when everything tightened.
- This kid swallowed a bitcoin and shat nothing.
- These woke teens slept late and missed the first half of the movie. “Sonny Corleone was killed for nothing.”
- “This show won’t be on Netflix soon because nobody has cast, produced or funded it,” says angry screenwriter.
- Gee, this interview with a 90-year-old veteran turned racist pretty fast.
- Florida vows to sell its sinkholes only to American citizens.
- Teen describes mom’s attempt to reach out to him: “Do you believe that cold-blooded bitch?”
- Senator describes Kyrsten Sinema’s attempts to ask him about his weekend: “Do you believe that cold-blooded bitch?”
- Jennifer Aniston went grocery shopping, and Twitter users were not impressed. “Tone deaf AF.”
- When this lawyer said she only dates lumberjacks, who’d have known she wasn’t fucking around?
- Uh-oh! That’s a lot of dairy, right there.
- You can’t deny that this woman sitting on a bus reading a Carl Hiaasen book is iconic.
- You won’t believe what happened to this sexy bombshell’s clothes unless you book Iceland tickets now.
- You’ll never guess what most people believed last Friday.
- These fast-breeding Gen Z slang words are clutch snipperz.
- Mob justice: if it were ice cream, why the kids would be eating it every day.
- This see-through dress worn by Elizabeth Olsen had fans remembering that it’s important to spay and neuter their cats.
- This guy insisted that he saw Captain Kirk over there, but his friend wasn’t having it.
- Lady Macbeth shouted at the damn spot but Twitter wasn’t having it. “OK, Boomer. Put ice on it.”
- The fact of inevitable death sucks, but reminding other people they’re going to die makes it a little easier.
- Is Twitter OK with us announcing this bake sale Friday?
Posted in Comedy, Satire, The Internet, The Web, Will Smith, Seth Rogen, Rasmussen Reports, Amazon, Chris Rock, crypto, dogsled | Tagged bitcoin, Carl Hiaasen, ChatGPT, Elizabeth Olsen, Florida, Kyrsten Sinema, Netflix, Scott Baio, Sydney Sweeney, The Godfather, Ukraine | Leave a Comment
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