The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell by 185 points on Tuesday, a huge slide that halted a week and a half of rallying. What’s causing the roller-coaster ride in the stock market?
–*Analysts realized that America had been leaning too much on Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and candy necklaces to prop up the economy.
–*Despite its phenomenal success in vacuum cleaners, the Dyson ball innovation has proved much less successful in automobiles, cranes, nuclear fission and sexual intercourse.
–*Michael Jackson memorial magazine issues were not directly convertible to gold plate as many investors had hoped.
–*The market had in the last few weeks already priced in economic recovery, a manufacturing surge and an increase in home sales, but it had not yet responsibly factored in a possible attack by zombie Morlocks.
–*Americans might start showing responsible saving behavior and stop living a fat life of plenty on the backs of Saudi Arabian and Chinese debt. In other words, they’re just being selfish assholes.
–*Radio host Glenn Beck wants to kill everybody with a shovel.
–*You can’t get a decent burger anymore.
–*Banks are still failing. As well they should because sometimes we have to kill capitalism to save it, say American schizophrenics.
Beauty is Imperfection 